Are we heading for "WAR"?

A German talking about a war, that's new. The kind of war I am talking about has, however, actually not been discussed in my country for a long time. I'm talking about war on ideology, disputes of thinking. I am not talking about bombs, explosions and enemies (yet!), but about closing in on a time period of history. When Francis Fukoyama said the "end of history" had been reached after the collapse of the Cold War, I believe, many people thought he was being ridiculous then. I remember reading "The End of History" for the first time in 2010 or 2011, believing then that a notion of liberal democracy having "won" when such a big part of the world hadn't conceded the "fight"yet, was pretty freaking ignorant. As of 2016, he was proven wrong: liberal democracy has definitely not won, but we are about to enter into the next phase of history. Does liberal democracy prevail? I believe we will only know after that fight has settled.

As a student of history, I had module classes divided into years: "Early Modern Europe: 1490 - 1870", Europe in Transition: 1870 - 1918", you get the picture. In the future, I believe modules will start with the year 2016, only the name is to be confirmed. It could be "The End of Liberal Democracy: 2016 - tbc" or "The Rise of Neo-Nationalism: 2016 - tbc". What's clear to me is that we will be talking about ideology for a long time to come. You may think that's not new, but it is. We might have been discussing ideology over a glass of wine and a bite of cheese before, we might have disagreed and then gone home and resumed our lives as if nothing had happened. I think these times are over. I think that soon it is but the only thing we can't ignore. We have already been proven to be unsuccessful in ameliorating our opponents, and the entire globe is en route to be divided by ideological reasoning once more.

Unlike the last times, each country now faces the same struggle to a stronger or lesser extent: the return of nationalism. All countries have had episodes of nationalism, and in most cases, it did not go too well. Because we assume human beings to be smart and logic, learning from history (what else would be the point of historical research otherwise?), we somehow expected that certain things would never again show up on the map. The slogan of ever holocaust memory is "never again", while Remembrance Day carries the words "lest we forget". Those words are under threat of being completely and utterly forgotten, and mistakes have a high potential of being repeated. That is not to say that only nationalism will carry us to doom once more, but many of the threats to the future could be prevented if proper lessons would be learned from the past, and for example Fukoyama's ignorance about having reached the ultimate world view that will never ever change again had been debunked just a bit more in time.

The war we are facing, therefore, is not one fought in battles; it will be in homes, at workplaces and, most importantly, on the internet. Here I am in 2016, thinking it will be impossible that an ethnic cleansing could happen on Western soil because I thought there was dedication to not let that happen again by EVERYONE, and yet there is a Muslim registry about to become part of the law in the country that leads the, now so called, free world. Those who stand up for the conviction that this development is wrong, which in my eyes it clearly is, will face the front even among their friends. The camps we now have are those who believe in the progress of history, the resilience of liberal democracy and a common understanding that we need and want to cooperate, and those who oppose all this, seeking new approaches, albeit not necessarily feasible ones, to solve problems they perceive as being brought on by politicians, journalists or, worst, people simply different from themselves. For the latter camp, the bridge between such a political view and racism and xenophobia is unfortunately not very hard to cross.

There is a war coming between these camps. Just like Capitalists vs Communists in the Cold War, Muslims vs Christians in the Ottoman Empire and the South vs the North during the American Civil War, each side is made a villain that is simply wrong, although there is nothing but a conflict of interests and two different approaches to solving a single problem. Neither capitalists nor communists have won the Cold War since both of these groups still exist in this world, yet they saw each other as an ideological nemesis and just one rose above the other by power. The divide between liberals and conservatives is the same. Each camp accuses the other of the same mistakes, eg. lying, ignorance and abuse of power. The fact that there is such a thing as "the truth" that can support or refute these claims does not seem to matter anymore. And this reality wasn't there last year. We are now fighting our friends and family, and I consider it the right thing considering the racism, bigotry and misogyny coming out of the "opposite" team occasionally.

And that's why I believe the fight the internet has been calling out since last week is in fact coming. A wise, wise man once said "soon we will have to choose between what is right, and what is easy", and in my life time that has never applied. I always wondered who I would have been in 1939 Germany: a passive onlooker, a Jew-hiding ideologist or a Nazi? I always knew I wouldn't have been a Nazi but I questioned if I would have rose up, hell, even be a Sophie Scholl maybe. Today, I know the answer because I will most likely have to make that decision soon. Will I look out for myself, hide in my own life, care about me and my family, or will I stand up and say no to those who are, in my world view, destroying what my forefathers built for me although most likely I will not have any disadvantages personally by any scenario. Germans have not had to ask themselves these questions in a long time. We agreed on liberal democracy. We agreed we got lucky, and we rebuilt what we destroyed. And now, we are going to have to fight those who want to do it again. And because I believe in defending our amazing progress, equality and idealism with as much heart as I have for it, I now know why people, then and today, voluntarily go to war, because I'd do it, too. For all that. 

I'm Not Mad At Donald Trump, I'm Mad At America!

Before I dive head first into this post which will no doubt displease many people, including many people I love very much, I need to probably say one thing: Political ideas shouldn't end friendships or incite conflict. And in my opinion, political ideas don't do that at all. I am from the liberal camp, as most of my generation especially outside of the States, but part of that means also being confronted with lots of people who think differently, and it has never been a major problem. The reason it is now a problem is not because "we" are "losing", it's because we thought we were on a path towards a better world, and in our understanding we have just been proven wrong although there was no indication we'd have to realize that. So what I am hoping, for the sake of this divide ever to stop again, is an open mind. I realize I don't need to sway votes. It's too late for that. All I hope to do over the next 4 years is explain to you, the people who aren't terrified just now, why we are!

I mean, how privileged does one have to be to just
not vote at all, considering people died for them to have that right?

I want to start off with just a scenario. For the sake of hypotheticals I am going to assume I understand all of your reasons for voting Trump/ Pence. So the next day, when half of America was in tears, you assumed it was a normal reaction: they lost, you thought, and they are scared of losing the horrible grip they had on the country for 8 years. You then remember the year 2000 when the exact same thing happened: people voted for Gore, but your guy won, and it made people very, very angry. Let me tell you that this time that's very different. So even if all this applies, were you wondering for one second why black people, women, and Muslims, to name a few, were actually terrified? I'm saying scared, not unhappy. Did you think this was an overreaction? The voting statistics show that a very large number of the people I just named had a different preference, and I am just wondering if you, as a Trump voter, who is likely not a disadvantaged minority or haven't experienced your disadvantages fully, asked yourself why an election result would make people question their safety.

By talking to Trump voters for over a year I heard some convincing arguments. Safety is of course a nice one, and to those who voted for him because they feel unsafe in the US I genuinely have nothing nice to say as that is a level of privilege I cannot fathom. But there are more reasons: Not everyone believed Putin is a maniac we should oppose. This might be a good policy decision for peace, but it is definitely not right. Vladimir Putin has no respect for international law and various freedoms mentioned in the US Constitution. Saying that appeasing him would be a good idea is not wrong, but it's the same as accepting authoritarianism for safety: definitely prudent, but just not right. The same goes for the notion of illegal immigration that some people based their vote on. Of course, even liberals can understand the frustration of feeling like jobs go to people with no "right" to be in the country. But then again I would like to ask what people see when they see the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence. It is not my intention to make anyone feel bad about their choices, yet I truly believe that citizens who are closing their eyes from needs, even of those who don't share their citizenship, are mocking Thomas Jefferson's ideas.

Historically, of course, there is plenty to say. The USA is a white country, founded by former rebels who came from the whitest place on this planet. Yet, over the last 200 years, the US has become the number one in the world, surpassing the power of their former white original state, by accepting people to be part of it who aren't white. Every American, white or black, female or male, knows that the greatness of America lies in its diversity. The moment a democratic election chooses to acknowledge a man who has openly expressed to those not desperate enough to see it that America does indeed have a preference in race, and even gender and religion, the progress of these last two centuries is taking a step back. Now you might be white, Christian and male, so why would you care, right? Women are definitely not equal in present day America, and women should know that, but sometimes they don't. Black people are not equal and crime rates can prove that. Religious freedom is often compromised for those who have been vilified, most notably Muslims. Yet, many of these minorities saw in a man who has often insulted them the better option, and I wonder how that could happen based on the fact that Donald Trump never did anything to appeal to them, while his opponent did for 30 years.

I don't get it, and I likely won't. The hate for Hillary was stronger than the desire to vote for someone who hasn't insulted minorities, and I'm scratching my head but so be it. Many called it the choice between Pest and Cholera, to which even if I had agreed I always said "you choose cholera, come on, of course you choose cholera!" Especially in this contest I find the analogy rather fitting because cholera knocks you out, really freaking sucks but you survive with a certainty of up to 90%. The pest nearly wiped out all of Europe a few centuries ago. Its highly contagious and means your most certain death, having a survival rate of up to 5%. I am truly hoping that Donald Trump won't kill us all, and I don't think he will, but he is definitely the pest. His rhetoric being rewarded with the presidency now means that it's perfectly okay to speak like that. I heard it being called the end of political correctness, and people seem to like that idea. That political correctness merely saved gay people from openly being called fags and black people the n-word goes without saying. Yeah, well these days are over. To me, this legitimized hatred is truly, genuinely the pest. It makes me sick!

Whoever does that is an asshole, but they now feel like they're
good to go with this behavior since America voted:
being a dick is fine!

So I'm just wondering if people considered this because I have talked to many Republicans, and they usually agreed that this is unacceptable because, you know, Republicans are not shit people. However, when asked how something like these hostile attitudes towards minorities most of us are part of would affect their vote, I usually just got "but I really just hate Hillary!" The media was also quick to be blamed which empirically just cannot be a legitimate reason  since opposition of a candidate on this scale is almost impossible even in dictatorships. I'm sure everyone has heard about populism now, and nobody seems to have looked up what it means. Meanwhile, the same people are now saying "we should give President Trump a chance", and these are the same people who told me as a teenager to not take crap from boys and respect myself. Why should I give a man a chance who has limited me to my appearance, believes I can't do the same job a man does just as well, and suggested that my pussy is something he is entitled to because he is a celebrity. Trust me, I know plenty of these boys (not using "men" here on purpose) and you know what I did? I dumped their ass. I didn't make them my friend, boyfriend or husband, never mind my President. Why is it so easy for his voters to look past that?

My genuine interest lies in trying to understand. The majority of my friends in the States voted Trump, and I still love these people just as much. Since I am seeking the conversation, and have already changed my mind many times on different attitudes, I was hoping to hear answers that matter, but where is the explanation that Mexicans vote for a guy who has called them all, collectively, "rapists" in his first ever speech? Why do women vote for a man who loves the patriarchy? How are people who are not racist or minorities themselves allow for their friends who are to now feel like they are not welcome? I am a woman, so I guess I have some insights into being mocked by the President-Elect, but I find his supporters' attitudes towards black and Muslim people even worse, and that has nothing to do with me. I dislike he is trying to take away the right for women to decide about their bodies because I'm a woman, but I also don't appreciate that the while, male Christian guy DT calls his running mate believes his rights need more protection than a Muslim's. If that's what you believe, you are nose-deep in privilege and Jesus would likely love for you to show some humility.

So I truly couldn't care less about President Trump; it's those people who scare me. I am aware that the vast majority of people who read this and voted for him would agree with me that racism, discrimination and xenophobia are bad attributes, but I don't think all of you have looked deep down if you are definitely not at least a little bit infected with these. I'm talking to Democrats, too. If my candidate would be the subject of black churches burning, Klu Klux Clan celebrations and gay people's cars being smeared, I would, at the very least consider, how this happened? Liberals don't hate Republicans; it's the willingness to close one's eyes from the threats to progresses made towards equality in the last century. I get that baby boomers want the past back, so do I. I'd love the 90s back. I'd love it. But we are talking about an easier time for US, you and me, the privileged people, not the world. If America comes first, that means that everyone else will be second, and that's an attitude you cannot expect anyone to be okay with. President Trump will see this soon enough because I don't think he's an idiot (just an asshole), but it's the voters that need to realize it. They might not have executive power, but they have the power to make our survival here on Earth pleasant, and elevating your problems over those directly and indirectly connected to you is a really freaking crappy quality.

After half a week of watching, reading and trying to understand everything, I found Seth Meyers to have the best words because it's positive, yet not Jimmy Fallon naive or neglectful that something terrible just happened. Most Trump voters would not watch this anymore because they believe this to be part of the establishment (when I'd say "maybe you just want to consider we, the "establishment", actually made a decision at the end of a long, fact-based thinking process") but trust me, my three days of crying were not coming from "losing". In fact, I "lost" in my own country in every election I ever participated in, and I never cried. It's coming from thinking America was more than a place for scared, privileged people. I thought I was finally going to see a woman president, decades after we had one in Europe. And with that, I'd hope you actually consider Seth Meyers' words... 

Why #ImWithHer - An Ode To Hillary Clinton

On November 4, 2008, I was in Chicago, watching a black man walk on a stage in Grant Park to accept the US nation’s decision for him to be the 44th President of the United States. No eye remained dry as people knew that what had just happened was extraordinary: no other black man had ever been able to do what Barack Obama did that night! I am not black, and could never attempt to comprehend what that meant for the black community of the US. Then, I knew that a minority had become the most powerful man in the world, and even without belonging to that minority, that fact touched my heart and made me feel like this biased, sometimes cruel world had made a huge step towards progress. This year, on November 8, 2016, I will potentially grasp what that night in 2008 meant to black people: A woman could be up on that stage, again for the first time, and make another of these huge steps for the world possible.

I am not black, but I am a woman. Coming from an all-girls Catholic private school, I didn’t fathom why being a woman would put me in minority status: I was really good at all subjects, especially physical education, and I was getting all the things boys could have, at least as far as I could observe. Only after school it finally dawned on me I had been protected from reality. In that reality, I am not equal, I can do less things physically than a man and I do not always get the same thing boys get, at least at the same price. As much as I can never understand what discrimination against a skin color feels like despite my experiences with reverse racism in Kenya, no man will ever be able to tell me what discrimination against my sex feels like. It doesn’t feel good! It feels unfair and it is unfair. It feels wrong and it is indeed very wrong most of the time. So for a woman to become the most powerful person in the world, whether she’s a crook or not, will be good for women, if only in symbolic terms. Period!

I can make a valid case for Hillary Clinton to become the next US President without even having to mention her catastrophic opponent. In fact, I have been doing just that as I have endorsed Hillary Clinton for the gig since November 5, 2008. Obama was fantastic, and my narrow first choice, the last time around. But for me, it was always going to be Hillary next. One day, not even a long time ago, I watched her defend her choice to oppose gay marriage in the past, and I heard her say “I was wrong!” Just like me, there were days when Hillary did not see the necessity for gay marriage, and through exchange and consideration she had, just like me, changed her mind. To me this character trait was more worth than her past disapproval. Unlike her reputation of being a robot, I felt that Hillary had there and then proved that she was a human being. One who fails sometimes. Unlike many, however, she had the strength to admit it, too.

Throughout the democratic campaign, I was with her. Bernie Sanders caught my attention but, being a political scientist who simply knows that the influence Hillary had been working to gain for 30 plus years would not be challenged by a revolutionary, even in a democratic system, was palpable throughout. Bernie would have been great for the US, but the US President has a big challenge that most people just simply forget: Congress! Unfortunately, being an effective president has nothing, or little, to do with finding out what the people want and making it possible. The moment the election is over it is about Congress, influencing it to think that what you, the individual, wants is what’s best for everybody. Bernie, a fella so far left from almost every single person in Congress, would have hit a freaking wall. Hillary, on the other side, played this game for decades. Sister knows how to influence people, how to maneuver through the Washington elites and who to call when something big needs to happen. Funnily enough, that behavior exactly earned her the villain status.

It’s true: an effective politician usually doesn’t wear a white jacket. Bernie fought many fights I admire way more than I admire any fights fought by Hillary, and certainly her opponent, but Hillary has already proven to make a difference whereas no other candidate running had the platform to show that they actually can do that. Sometimes, her work had quite the negative by taste which certainly applies to her Middle Eastern policy which left much to be desired. But Hillary, unlike any other candidate, was not only part of an actual presidential administration before, she was also married to the President. There is arguably no other person on this planet who knows this job better than Hillary. And yes, in all these years there have been incidents that are not amusing about Hillary, I, myself, have made mistakes in fewer years w

ithout making them up at all. Not all of Hillary’s steps were missteps. Those expecting somebody to do a job for 30 years without failures are, quite frankly, idiots. Now it boils down to a job being up for grabs and there being the choice of somebody who has never done as much as an internship n the role and someone who is the epitome of qualification. That’s the choice this year.

And yet, Hillary’s path to the White House was so damn tough that I could never have done it. Injustice like Midwestern women calling me incapable of being commander-in-chief because I have uncontrollable hormones and my opponent, and former friend, publicly accusing me of only being with my husband, who caused me so much pain but who I just love and sacrificed almost everything for, for political gains only would have broken me. And this lady listens to it, doesn’t blink, and barely ever hit back on the same level. And that despite her emotional, female temperament. I have been a Hillary fan for over a decade now, and even as a young girl of 14 I thought that one day this lady was going to be President even before I actually realized that being a woman one CANNOT do whatever a man can do. Today is this day, and I can’t wait because it will most likely change my life, and that of half the people on this planet: women!

Glenn is Dead and it feels too REAL: An Orbituary

I used to watch Lost, so I have mourned my fair share of TV characters. The whole premise of an actor exiting a show you love sucks, but never, I repeat, never, has it ever felt this bad: Glenn is dead. His skull is no more. He won't even be cameoing as a zombie. Glenn is gone! Again. After I had to go through this last year, I now actually saw his brain hanging from a baseball bat, and so all hope is gone. Last year when Glenn "died", there was hope, now the image of his eyeball popping out of his skull is the only thing I can see in my inner eye since Sunday. One may think that the reality that "The Walking Dead" is simply a TV show, and Glenn is not really dead, is a relief. Sadly, it hasn't been a relief for me.

Glenn was my favorite character next to Rick from Day 1. Duh, he was awesome, and there's almost no characters left from that day, but when Glenn was in danger it was always the worst. Rick can't and won't die (thank GOD), so Glenn running errands made me particularly nervous. I will never forget Noah's death which, if we're honest, should have been Glenn's day, never mind Glenn's heroic survival since arriving in Alexandria, being the subject to an assassination attempt, then watching said assassin kill himself on a dumpster, thus dooming Glenn to die as well. How was Glenn even alive on that fateful day at the pit? Remembering Glenn walk among walkers in his first ever appearance I thought he's be dead before the end of the day. Fortunately he wasn't which made for six seasons of an adorable hero.

Speaking of hero, I'd like to propose an experiment: close your eyes, think of nothing, and tell me in five seconds who, other than Glenn is your favorite Asian-American hero? I'm waiting. 5...4...3...2...1! Nothing? Hiro Nakamura from "Heroes" kinda doesn't count but yeah, good start. An Asian badass being a hero doesn't happen too often. In fact, let's not forget how Asian people in Western entertainment are rarely praised as beautiful. Where was America's Next Top Model of Asian descent? Steven Yeun aka Glenn in real life has recalled feeling ugly as a child because of his ancestry which I find ridiculous given how good-looking he is. "I never had a Glenn on TV", he has said about growing up trying to position himself in American society as an Asian American. Now, once more, there's no Glenn on TV who shows that Asian Americans, too, can be heroes.

That just sucks, doesn't it? The Walking Dead is a pretty diverse show, and features quite a few interracial couples. There was only one perfect one, though. Rick and Michonne? Hell no. Abraham and Rosita? Get out! The crown goes to Glenn and Maggie, a cute little love story in a show about the zombie apocalypse. His last words, after losing his brain to a baseball bat, was directed to his wife when he said he would "find" her. Last time they had been separated, and reunited, Maggie burned his photograph because she was convinced she'd never need it. I remember screaming at her then, now I'm just furious. Maggie, if she survives, now has to give birth to her adorable biracial child and watch it grow up knowing that without baby Glenn his dad might still be alive. But let's not start going down these roads. He's dead. Let's just cry.

Glenn dying was indeed my worst case scenario, and when Abraham was chosen I was, much like everyone else, so so relieved. My first thought was "I can't believe both Glenn and Daryl got out of this one". What a fool I was. Ten minutes later Glenn's also dead and Daryl's gone. Why exactly did Abraham have to die then? Geez, these overambitious writers, I want to sit them down for a talk. Abraham dying could have been an epic episode by himself, especially with that love triangle. What a waste of a major character's death. The only thing consoling me was that Steven Yeun is not dead and my last remaining hope is that he will just become a massive movie star. Please, somebody give him a new show. I want that Korean hero back on TV. I promise I'll watch!

A huge, over-emotional rant on Sexism

Sexism is Dead, They Said... Relax, They Said! Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and vomit. Today, Facebook reminded me, is International Day of the Girl Child, and everybody loves it, I'm sure. But this week, with whatever is going on, I have officially become weary of hearing people denounce sexism, its existence, its profoundness and its complete ongoing significance in every day life. Donald Trump, at least in his head, has a view of women that does not equal the view he has of a man, and we didn't find out about that this week. Him feeling entitled to grab "p***" because he's famous is a new low point in his career I thought was impossible to reach, yet that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Far worse than his disgusting comments, and the reflection it has on his personality, is that so many people, including many women, are excusing it or, even worse, probably agree. Whoever feels like not being called out on sexism today might as well stop reading now.

For me to claim I know what sexism looks like is a nobrainer. Two years in Egypt and one literally knows what being "grabbed by the p***" by an absolute stranger who isn't even a celebrity show host is like. I have thick skin (and a pretty tough fist) so I am fortunate I didn't take away any tremendous emotional scars from having to live like that. Feeling liberated to return to a society where I felt a bigger effort is made to treat women with the same amount of respect men receive I had to realize that political efforts for equality have not yet translated into social equality. Political efforts are equal pay, universal suffrage and a woman's quota; in society, however, I realize I'm a woman almost every day. People regard me as weak, limit me to my appearance and dismiss female qualities as inferior. And this happens every single day, whether people realize it or not.

Donald Trump's remarks are not shocking to me, and anyone who hasn't blatantly excused all of his mishaps in the last year as an effort to stop political correctness knows Donald Trump looks at women, minorities and many, many other people as not equal to his male, white persona. "Actions speak louder than words", they say, and I have to completely disagree. One does not only become a misogynist by raping or assaulting a woman; speaking or thinking about them as an inferior or objectified gender suffices. And that is exactly what that leaked tape shows us. And his interrupting in debates. And his comments on "fat" people Rosie O'Donell and Alicia Machado. Speaking of the latter, people seem to forgive him these comments because these women actually are or became "fat". Is this the world we live in, where women are subject to privileged white men calling them out on their looks without being labeled as crude themselves? Apparently we are.

My opinion on calling out Trump for this behavior appears to me to earn more criticism as the criticism he's getting, at least in my circles. For me to say this, I have many friends telling me to stop being so sensitive, and my consequent freak out over being told that in this context earns me my favorite accusation: "oh what a drama queen!" Awesome! Nothing I love more than people calling me a drama queen for not ignoring bullshit. I get called this by friends, partners and random tweeters for disagreeing so I'm sorry if I can't take it seriously. In this particular example they aren't even wrong; I fight a lot, I debate, I get really angry when challenged and my tolerance for people spreading hate, misogyny or other equally infuriating topics is tiny, yet I do not have to accept people calling me anything behind my back, even if it's true. Not as a woman, not as  human being. If that earns one the "crazy" badge I get why so many people seem to have it. All it is is a ridiculous attempt to bad mouth an emotional reaction by a woman, and I don't appreciate it.

So as soon as a woman disagrees, develops an uncomfortable opinion or simply stops buying bullshit they are labeled "crazy". Oh man, I have witnessed this so much. A guy I once hooked up with, who then ignored me for seven hours the next time I saw him before asking me if I could give him a ride home didn't just call me crazy when I laughed at him and told him he can go suck it, he also proceeded to tell all of his friends what a ridiculous bitch I was for telling him to off without "any reason". I have also been called crazy because I went quiet after I found out that some guy I was seeing had slept with another girl while talking to me. I also didn't find it too decent that a guy was texting me while on holiday with another girl. While these things aren't gender-related, my consequent reactions were made the actions of a "drama queen"; they have earned me criticism while I somehow feel they should have rather earned me an apology. But a strong reaction from a woman, for whatever reason, is better put off as some kind of insane female behavior.

I have had many really good guy friends and I do know their "locker room talk". Contrary to popular belief, I am in fact not very sensitive. My best friend from college who I used to live with would come home from a night out and tell me in detail in which horrendous way he got some sorority chicks to sleep with him. I don't even blame him because these girls were okay with their objectification and could have called him out on it any day, but they didn't. The fact he would tell me though, speak about them like they were just some sort of tool to get pleasure out of, is fundamentally wrong. We were friends, I knew he didn't mean disrespect, and I have equally seen him treat women wonderfully, including me. But this is the reality: this locker room talk is where the issue is expressed, where women are described as something that cannot be regarded as respectful. To assume that these thoughts would find expression in actions is a foregone conclusion. and even if they don't, viewing women like that in one's mind to me is already a proof of a problem.

Only today I was told that men in Egypt weren't nice to me because I was actually nice but because I was blonde and foreign and men there just wanted to sleep with me. Beautiful, they got that one right. Knowing that myself, please tell me why I should have been nice? Yet the vast majority of girls there were pretty happy to accept this kind of interest, and I'm the last one who judges that. Turns out that was the kind of interest that was up for grabs, and other parts of the world aren't different. Funnily enough, more and more of these girls decided to ignore their friends' warnings that certain guys were not in fact genuinely interested, but when they actually got burned being taken advantage of by the guy they liked it wasn't the guys' fault but the other girls who he clearly liked more from day one. I don't know where this lack of self-respect comes from, but I sure know that locker room attitudes don't help. I dare say that said girl probably would have decided otherwise without the willingness of that guy to take advantage of her inability to make the right decision for herself.

Now we live in a world where guys have told me some girls they slept with were "stupid" or "easy", and swimmers get three months in jail for rape while others serve five year sentences for burning an illegal CD. The argument that something is not as equal as it should be is groundless. There can be no argument. Where are the equal workplaces that employ the same amount of women than men? Where is equal pay? And where is the attitude that I am more than a nice hair cut and a moving pair of boobs when I am out? Having people look at my boobs in public is the least of my problems. I have lost out to jobs I was perfect for because I was a woman. I have had to listen to people accusing me of coming to Egypt only to "fuck Egyptians". And worst of all, I have had to watch people roll their eyes when I expressed disappointment over that. Even some people who just read this have done exactly that. Three guesses who these people are...

What's most disappointing is that a large amount of women who have not realized that they are disadvantaged and excuse patriarchal behavior. Do you know how many women believe that a girl "was asking for it" if she dressed promiscuously, shouldn't flip out when a man disrespects her or wasn't really harmed by Donald Trump's comments? Any man talking, thinking or subconsciously acting without ill-intent like a woman is a property, a less respectable human being or inferior and weak is harming me, even if I don't bleed after. In a public fight, I dare you to think that the guy started it, because the girls are usually the ones seeking the drama. A hot, rich, successful chick being married to an average Joe would shock you more than a hot, rich, successful dude doing the same, that's a fact. And that's not the fault of a woman, it's the result of a society who does not believe that this attitude needs revision but the people who call for revision.

When I see what women endure and don't even realize that they are being compromised by a medieval world view, I feel sorry, that's all. Truth is that many women are unaware of their disadvantage, and they will probably not feel too bad about it as a result. Worse even are those who do not identify with feminism because they believe it does not coincide with their traditional values. Many women want to be a housewife, cook and clean for a living, and believe their place is the home. Denouncing feminism, however, has nothing to do with that. We are talking about the option of living such a life as opposed to being expected to live that life. Therefore, every single person, male or female, not identifying as a feminist, namely believing that women and men are created equal, is sexist, or at the very least an idiot or asshole. We need more people to accept than we need people to fight for feminism. But as long as conversations like the one happening on a bus in 2005 are excused as not a problem, we sure do have one... at least if "we" means women!

Happy Birthday, Germany: I Love You, but I'm not Proud of You

On October 3, 1990, East and West Germany became the Federal Republic of Germany once more, ending communist rule, a separation of its people by a giant wall and authoritarianism in the German sphere. A wall had separated families, friends and advances in politics, technology and society, and on that day that wall was no more; those people having been separated were walking on the same sides of where it had stood; the Eastern parts of German families found out how the Western parts had lived since the war. Finally, after those Cold War years, but also after a devastating war, 12 years of Nazi reign and another two decades of war followed by economic hardship as a result of it, Germany was finally looking into a bright future. And that future was indeed bright. As a result, today's holiday to celebrate reunification is much more than a reminder of this happy occasion.

I myself never experienced a troublesome Germany. I wasn't even a year old when the Wall came down, and I don't remember watching people climb up it with hammers, taking out pain accumulated during decades of repression out on this endless piece of concrete concealing freedom from the East. My first memory is hearing "Wind of Change" by The Scorpions, unaware of how tremendous its meaning would be for my life. Here in the West, people agree that the East was liberated from authoritarianism, and considering the daily life a citizen of the German Democratic Republic (GDR) it is hard to rationally argue against that notion. That day Francis Fukoyama, I like to think, had a vision he later called the "end of history". He should end up being wrong about that. Although October 3 is probably the most wonderful day in German history, we have much more to remember on this anniversary than the end of a dark time. But not everybody likes to remember.

Since I was too young to know what Germany was like before said day, it is impossible to assess how much really changed. What I can assess though, is where we are today, and put it into historic perspective, since not having been there doesn't mean I don't know. Just because I was never a Nazi who killed Jews and most people who were are dead, the history of my country has not faded. Quite the contrary: I believe in repeatedly remembering what the soil I stand on every day was the stage for not too long ago, and it breaks my heart despite not having been there. Why do we study history at all if we look at it unfavorably, not accepting the lessons it's trying to teach us? Due to my country's horrible history, I have time and time again questioned whether pride of my nation is appropriate. In nine years abroad, in which I have looked at my home country from afar, I have finally come to a conclusion.

Just as much as it's not my fault what Germans have done historically, it has nothing to do with me how well Germany is doing now. To call myself ashamed of the sins of my fathers is probably wrong, and not necessary. However, for me to just look at the present, that I in fact do play a part in, and say it makes me proud to be German is just as wrong then. I didn't make Germany the 4th largest economy in the world. I didn't win the World Cup. I didn't contribute to politics of acceptance and equality. Given we have a huge rise in nationalist sentiments on this entire planet, I struggle to see how any other country is different. Where do they take this massive entitlement from that characterizes them as better than another, just by being born in a certain place? I am a part of Germany today, doing everything I possibly can to corroborate its values of freedom, democracy and equality because I believe in them more than in anything else. None of that, however, will ever come from a place of being "proud to be German".

I love Germany more than most people. Everything I was able to do I owe to this country. It has given me education despite a rather unlikely background for achievement, I receive medical assistance for runny noses and acne and it has day after day proven to be a home for me and so many wonderful people from everywhere on the planet. If there was ever a blessing, it would be being born German. The fact, however, is that I did nothing to deserve it. I was merely born here, and therefore don't feel like I deserve its glory any more than another. To call myself a patriot, therefore, goes against my understanding of what this nation is: we are happy, blessed and thankful to be here, but we are not part of an exclusive club that only allows those who actually share our nationality. At least that's what I'd like to think.

Patriotism isn't nationalism, and I know that. Since I, historically, morally and politically, disagree with nationalism, however, I have decided to no longer call myself a patriot either. Pride is not an asset; gratitude is. In my life in four different countries I have experienced sentiments towards countries I don't want to associate with. And even in Germany we are seeing more and more where the negligence of history and the indulgence in nationalist rhetoric is leading to; it's not a to a good place. In both Egypt and the US I saw nationalism and patriotism respectively I would not like to see in Germany. At home, the term "nationalism" has had a round in history, and it's time to leave it behind. The exclusive society, building on a belief that the place of one's birth gives a person more reason to be proud of their country than another is foreign to me because we were simply not taught. I believe that was a correct decision!

Today, I am proud to be part of a society that has gotten up from a disaster of historic proportions. That means I am proud to be a human being, not proud of being German. I want to do anything I can to make others proud of me and my contribution to this wonderful, reunified country that has done a terrific job, in my eyes, in the past year of trying to put our shameful past into hope for others from afar. The most patriotic day of my life was last summer, when I spent the entire day at a refugee camp in Macedonia, later seeing a certain Eastern German physicist, more widely known as the Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany, welcoming refugees to our country because she believed "we can do it!" I believe we can do it. I believe this country has nothing to fear from any threat we are facing because we have overcome so many. And not because we are the best, but because we will try and we will succeed. Look where the last challenges took us. That's where I will derive my identity from, not the color of my skin, my hair color, what my passport says or what language I speak. 

Backstreet's Back Alright... and I am Old!

The Backstreet Boys are back, what a time to be alive! Turns out, when they said "as long as there'll be music we'll be coming back again", they weren't kidding. Thank God! Whatever is left of music these days, barely qualifying to be called just that, needs to be revived by whatever was going on there in the 90s. I found myself at a 90s party last weekend where I was definitely the only person who actually remembered these songs coming out, if you know what I'm saying. Now I do admit I'm hugely biased, having had an incredible 90s childhood, so every song from that decade comes with a flash of memories of me standing on the table, dancing, lip-syncing because I didn't speak a word of English, but how do younger or older generations fail to see what the 90s gave us? Let me elaborate...

Well, ehm, I don't think I have to mention the Backstreet Boys again, do I? Oh never mind, why not...? The Backstreet Boys are amazing! They deserve to be called amazing although, let's face it, they didn't do anything. Like Michael Jackson, who I would like to call the most unbelievable thing to come out of any decade, was an absolute force of nature, definitely the best performer ever and sang like there was nothing else he could do. The Backstreet Boys: not so much. They had the hair and nose Michael Jackson was missing, but Howie D and Nick Carter usually didn't amaze with their vocal range. However, just like MJ's, every song of theirs was an instant classic. This sounds ridiculous because these days "Everybody" is obviously a classic, but I remember being six years old and thinking this will be a hit, although I dare say I probably didn't know what a "hit" really was. What a flipping tune. 20 years later I still love it every single time. It just doesn't get old, only I am...

Now that I said "20 years" I actually realize I went to a party for old people. Most of these people were not around when the Backstreet Boys released... well... anything. I was watching Jimmy Fallon the other day (don't ask, I don't even know why myself either?) and he had young Grace Vanderwaal on who just won "America's Got Talent" at 11 years old. Jimmy asked her about the song "Bye Bye Bye" which, oh my God, is such a tune. But quite evidently, young Grace had no effing clue. She had never heard of that song. Being 11, she was born when Justin Timberlake had already kind of retired. And not from the boyband, but his SOLO career, only to be an "actor". There a kids out there who probably know Justin from his appearances in movies more than his music. What a shame! Now if that doesn't make anybody feel the pressure of time on their backs, I don't know what will.

The truth is that I am now old enough to claim a decade. When I was younger, I heard of 70s and 80s parties, and I knew Cyndi Lauper and Boy George from TV, but I didn't know what it actually felt like to dance to "Take on Me" when it first came out, or having a crush on Morten from a-Ha when he was actually a heartthrob. Now, I am old enough to be telling young kids what that was like, only in my own decade. 20 years ago, which is longer than most popstars have been alive, I was getting set in puberty and was rocking out to Techno before it became a hipster music genre. We didn't have phones or computers, and only yesterday I was telling the story of how I recorded Enrique Iglesias' "Hero" on the radio when it charted so I could listen to it over and over again. This doesn't just sound like an anecdote from the past but from an entirely different phase of history.

We can't help but think that our decade was the best, and yet the 90s really were an incredible time. Only later on I found out that the feeling of security and peace one felt during childhood actually had a foundation in the 90s: there was a sense of idealism in world politics after communism fell in Europe and the US had actually started to look for new foreign policy goals (for once) without antagonizing, but assisting world leaders to achieve peace. The 1990s reshaped the planet, and even today I felt like there could have been a better planet if that mentality hadn't gotten lost so dramatically in 2001. Music, however, was definitely just so, so much better back then. The only aspect of life that did not benefit from digital technology was music, hands down. I'd take the Backstreet Boys back over semi-talented DJs from France or Sweden any day. And what's wrong with dancing? Why do boybands these days stand still? Thankfully, starting March 1, the Backstreet Boys are back.