Friday, April 30, 2021

Covid In The Countryside: Why People Hate Boomers

We've all been through the same year, and we've all got our things to say about it. I dare say that only few of you would "strongly agree" with the notion that the last year was a success. I spent much of the last year in my mother's house, in a little village in Germany, right by the Belgian and Dutch border. While this place was a heavenly place to live through early childhood, being a 30-something paper chaser with global ambitions has fared badly. The only possible activity around here is "going for a walk" which has been the greatest gift of any lockdown scenario but also exposes you to what the village population, average age 65, has come to perceive in this last quarter of their lifetime. "I can't complain", says Karen from the house around the corner, "but it's all shit, isn't it? Trouble, trouble, always trouble". And if you give Karen a chance to go on, she will tell you everything about her hard life in Germany as a boomer. 

Karen was born right after the war. She met her husband age 16 when her father, a factory worker, started training a new kid, age 17, at his workplace and thought he makes a fine gentleman. They married and bought the house around the corner when Karen was pregnant with her first child at age 22. Her father had died after working at the factory his whole life, so the 15.000 Deutsche Mark Karen inherited from her father paid for the downpayment on the house. Karen had two more children and lived in the house with a patio facing the forest for the rest of her days. Her youngest daughter lives in the house with her because it has six bedrooms and therefore offers enough rooms for Karen, her husband and her daughter's family. The heart of the house is the large south-facing garden with sunshine throughout the day. Her two sons live a ten and a thirty minute drive away. Karen still does her own shopping but yes, she can tell she's getting older. 

Right, this is the lady that is telling me that everything is trouble, always. I'm sure when Karen's various dogs passed away, her husband went through that cancer scare and their son had a car accident her faith in Jesus was shaken. "In Jesus name, father, please help my family", would be the only way in which Karen thought she could contribute to getting through these troublesome situations. She spent many nights crying because she was worried. The family never had money problems because her husband's contract at the factory was permanent and, of course, allowed Karen to stay home and care for the kids but when big expenses hit, like a new car for the brood after he'd crashed his car, Karen was hoping for the magic money tree... but it never appeared. But in the end, Jesus always prevailed. Therefore, she always faithfully marked her ballot "Christian Conservatives" as a good Catholic would. Now an old lady, she looks back at a happy life but, boy, was it always easy? No, sir!

I am surrounded by Karen. Ursula, Marianne and Irene tell a similar story. All of them married early, had children and raised them themselves. Raising children is no piece of cake, you know. They are struggling with not seeing their grandchildren often because their kids are too busy. They are coming to terms with their deteriorating bodies and some of them are realizing that they actually haven't learned much since high school because, back in their day, university wasn't a thing. So in "normal times" they enjoy sitting in at university, you know, out of interest for a topic, at a lecture at the local university to "keep their brain sharp". The daily walk through the forest is also getting harder but one's gotta work a little to keep in shape. They are looking forward to the end of the pandemic because then, finally, they can see their grandkids again "without fear" because, you know, they ARE seeing them.

On every walk I take, hearing them talk about how much everything sucks, my bodies reaction to them is firmly engrained on my face; I fail to encourage them after they are complaining about their troubles, the corners of my mouth are physically incapable of coming up and the conversation will end, one way or another, after the sentence "life isn't always easy, huh?" was uttered which seems like an inevitability. They love to compare the Coronavirus pandemic to World War II which, I might add, is a disaster they never had to live through. But they heard a lot, and it sounds worse which I'm sure it was. They have heard of all kinds of trouble: Bosnia in the 90s, 9/11 and, oh my, the 2008 mortgage crisis sounds like a lot of hardship. But here in the village, they were spared, thank God. 

Maybe one day I will look just as dumb as Karen. It's likely that by the time I hit her age, my nephew Tammo will have had to literally save the planet with his action while I celebrate I have been able to grow up in what they used to call "democracy". We will fondly look back to the day when potatoes were grown on a field, not a lab. It doesn't look like it gets easier Earth-side for the generations to come but every time I see Karen I have a strong desire to tell her about "us". About how we will never own a flat, never mind a house in this neighborhood. How the only people that will be able to have this heavenly childhood of mine are Karen, Ursula, Marianne and Irene's children because that's how homeownership works now: you either inherit, or well, there is no house for you. I tell her how we studied at university not to keep our brain sharp but to stand a chance at getting a job, and how even all of this studying, working 70h weeks for free to hope for the "break" and never ever knowing "security" in a job I still get paid less than all the men on the team and some of the women that are better at deception than me. And how nothing is permanent in our lives, despite the contracts, because in a world of 8 billion there is always another "you". 

The stress of being me is unreal. Without knowing Karen aside from her complaints during a Sunday walk, I envy her. Her liberty to complain is a luxury I don't have as the only thing I have left in this pandemic is optimism. The day I stop closing my eyes with force from seeing what is happening to this planet, my generation, my future, I lose. I lose! Having worked hard all my life got me the fancy job but is failing to get me, and will continue to fail to finance my own home. My fancy job is gone the minute I make a baby and if I make a baby, the mortgage I am hoping for if I ever get paid fairly to buy a one bedroom apartment with a north-facing window, if any windows, is unlikely to be paid. I've wanted a dog my whole life but given that I would need to live next to a green space to have one, and that means a 50k increase in price due to an "in demand" location, determines for now, with 32 years under my belt, a tech job at a company literally everyone on this planet knows, and just a single income, I can't have one. And I am one of the lucky ones. I might make it happen one day. And that despite not having a father with a company or rich friends... 

The reason I complain about this is not self-pity. In fact, if there ever was someone I really pitied it would be those who come after me, finding this planet in even worse shape, witnessing the diminishing effects of hard work altogether and having to rely simply on luck to possibly make their dreams come true. Younger people just spent a year indoors to save the lives of Karen and the likes and have to now watch Karen go on an international beach vacation without testing because she's had the Pfizer shot twice while the younglings wait until it's their turn in the prioritization list. Being old in 2020 was certainly not an easy thing, but being young in 2020, and any year thereafter, is worse. While boomers enjoyed the simple life in the village, young people are hustling to one day get the shot, just the shot, to have a simple life as well. It most likely won't be a simple life. 

Of course, there are no literal Karens in a German village. Our people aren't called "Karen". But you know who they are. Every village has them. And yet, today, watching Karens complain about their "hard lives" that were nothing less than just "lives", hurts me as I look into the future. Germany elects a new government this year. We are asking young people to be optimistic, we are asking them to care. All this makes me think of is "How dare you?" in the voice of one of the only voices we heard in the last decades that probably mattered. There they were, laughing about Greta Thunberg for caring about the planet, calling her a brat. If you're younger than 25 reading this, you have no business calling her spoiled. Because you are. Spoiled with choice, spoiled with a future, spoiled with being able to grow up on a planet that isn't turning on you (or well, you were spoiled enough to allow yourself to ignore it). If I, with the wealth I have accumulated via a mix of soul-destroying hard work and unfathomable luck, feel like owning my own home is out of reach, generations proceeding mine are screwed. Who could they possibly vote for? The saviour of this generation might not have been born yet. Karen will have to lose before the GenZers can win. 

And now to the bottom line: How do we fix this? Politics won't, I think we have seen how far that kind of power goes in the last 14 months preeetty well. Not because they don't want to but because they can't. They depend on voters and that's us, you and me. As long as the parties need Karen's vote, they won't be coming forward with a message such as "we are going to tax inheritances like, let's say, a lot". No Karen would not vote for them, rightly so. But as long as we don't actually do what is necessary, like taxing inheritances by, let's say, a lot, the next generation is out of luck. So where do we go from there? Do we wait for Karl Marx to be right or do we manage the inevitable disaster? Of course, fairness ends in taxing those who worked according to belief A when we, one day, just go for belief Z. We can't do that either. So we keep going with the status quo according to Karen. Until it fails. 

I'm doing nothing, hypocritically writing a ridiculous blog post to advocate for change I am not a part of, still waiting to be paid not just "well" but "fairly" so I, eventually, might start thinking about a mortgage to enslave me to a bank, an institution I both despise and would love to avoid. But what I do believe in is hope. Maybe one day I'll have the idea or energy to change this. Maybe my desperation about this system will turn into inspiration. And maybe I will just do what everyone else is doing, trying to get out of this feeling by merely buying Bitcoin. Because really, if I don't and the change that needs to happen isn't occurring in my lifetime, I'm just screwed without getting cryptos NOW. I suppose what I'm saying is we're screwed. Except Karen. She's had her life, and it was tough, oh so tough. When it wasn't. Yet, she's gonna be voting for what's best for the next generation. Make it make sense. I can't. 

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Lockdown Watching 90s Shows: The Reckoning of Dawson's Creek

Like everyone born between the years 1983 and 1989 and a Netflix account, I have been rewatching Dawson's Creek. And I almost didn't make it: after the initial nostalgia subsided, the horrific writing killed the characters! As a kid, I watched the first two seasons and it shaped my life, as it does, chasing the Leary's house on my vision board. Capeside's perfect symmetry where people's biggest problem is a coke-dealing Mr Potter and a drunk driver one fateful night when Mitch went to get milk drew a picture of life that was inpiring. And now, 20 years later, I am finding myself in the often discussed reality of TV giving us wrong expectations about life during a pandemic, fuming at the depictions I so freely believed. It occurred to me that the WB is to blame for a generation's collective search for a Pacey when all we can get is a Charlie. Watching back, I saw just how dangerous these shows were in teaching us nothing about real life - and set us up for disappointment. 

Let's start with the pivotal point of the show: SEX! Season one to three is a race to who loses their virginity when and how nothing else matters. Maybe living in Capeside, where you row a boat to your friend's house, there really isn't much else to keep track of. Having lived more than 15 years now, the first flaw I find is 15-year-olds trying to get into the coitus game, in a rural, predictably conservative place that probably does not have the most advanced sex ed class in the 90s, not producing a little teen pregnancy. But I can look past this. It's a teen drama after all. And all of these characters are very serious about their "rubbers". Great job, kids! But each member of our little clique has slept with everyone by the end of the show. Virgin Joey even dates the gay guy. In the course of the show, Jen hooks up with six boys, four of whom had also slept with her two best girlfriends (the other two being awful, as boys are, sigh... the 90s). Pacey slept with 100% of the female cast. The whole Pacey, Joey and Audrey thing is just so cringeworthy, it wrongly taught me I need to be ok with my friends sleeping with the same guys as me. Let me tell you guys, when this happens in real life, it's not "cool".  I know... 

Speaking of Pacey, he is, of course, a completely unrealistic character but is arguably the reason behind thousands of failed relationships. I know this to be true. One friend of mine responded to a Dawson's Creek tweet of mine with her story about "searching for a Pacey" for all her life. Now, past thirty, we recreated the character as follows: lovely, sincere, good-looking - but dysfunctional. Oh honey, we all know that guy! The intelligent kid that is so misunderstood he is flunking high school until he gets the "break" as both a chef and an investment broker. The guy that loves only one girl. The guy that is from a broken home and just needs a woman who loves him. If you find yourself reading this and finding this character attractive, call a therapist now; you will need one once you met him.

But as unrealistic Pacey is, the real problem is the depiction of Jen Lindley. This is probably its own blog post because watching the show back I realized how much I love Jen Lindley after passing the stage in my life that is not 14-year-old Sina in the early Naughties. Back then, I believed it: Jen is a slut, she is easy, she sleeps with men at 13 and gets drunk, maybe she shouldn't complain about being mistreated when she is so cheap. Yeah, I know. Do you think I like that the show succeeded in making me see her that way? Jen is the only likeable character simply because she isn't perfect and actually works on herself the entire time she is in Capeside. She is the only character who is not excusing her bad behavior with "not knowing any better". She is also the only person who is never purposely a dick. Her end is the biggest cop out in television history and it is not surprising to me that Michelle Williams went on to become the most amazing human being after the show; if they'd ended my story like this I would have made it my mortal desire to prove the writers they were fools, too. FOOLS!

So now, Joey. Joey, Joey, Joey. I would almost rather not talk about her. I hate talking badly about women and I have to remind myself that Joey is the product of a male writer so my disdain for her is entirely not the character's or Katie Holme's fault, although anyone smiling with their tongue pushed against their teeth should... just stop. Joey is a thoroughly incredible character - and I don't mean "incredible" in the way we describe Lady Gaga. Joey's story contradicts itself, like writers couldn't decide on who she was going to be, or trying to make her be everything all at once. First, it takes Joey years to lose her virginity with Pacey but once the cherry is popped, she does what any good Hollywood girl would do: she "lives a little"! What a horrible arc. Her spontaneous outbursts of "being fun" are completely misplaced (and problematic!), never mind the ridiculous storyline of an accomplished Literature professor liking a college freshman and publishing her pathetic short story about "kissing Dawson" in a Journal. It's like they didn't even try. Joey is a black felt tip pen they tried to make a pencil, a fountain pen and a neon pink highlighter in the span of six seasons. 

And then of course, there is the title character, Dawson, or how I like to call him No-Flaw-Son. I feel bad for the wasted potential of James Van Der Beek who clearly has a personality to be hit with a script for a person whose thing is "being into movies". Ouch! Despite giving the show its name, they did not bother giving Dawson a story arc. I just watched six seasons of the show and don't remember when Dawson liked or didn't like Joey. Are they even friends for most of the show? Just like every character on this show, once Dawson loses his virginity, sex just finds him. He shags Jen, an actress and a movie critic, the latter two on the first date. Naturally. It's my least favorite bit of teen drama: they wait seasons for sex, then it's suddenly just happening. And Dawson of course becomes Mr Leary, the feature film director, as a sophomore in college at a no name college in Boston after leaving USC. This is why we all have unrealistic expectations of life... 

I know this has become another rant about a six season run of something nobody made me watch. I chose. However, the real appeal of watching Dawson's Creek in 2021 was the eye-opening of HOW the show was watched then. The intentions of the writers are very clear, they're just old-fashioned and sad! Very sad! Then again, Dawson's Creek is a product of male leadership, the late-90s misogyny is probably a contemporary artefact of artistry at this point. While being enjoyable to watch due to the beautiful and comfortable backdrop of Capeside, especially in a time when "the home" has become the only venue of my life, I see how shows like Dawson's Creek are to be enjoyed with  caution. I believed the writers. I thought a life like the one of those kids was available to me. But that is a lie. And I simply do not believe in writing that lies. There are a plethora of ways to make any story believable, from Harry Potter to Star Wars. But I mean, yeah, Dawson's Creek had a much smaller budget, eh...