Tuesday, January 28, 2014

White lies

Just like anybody else I hate being lied to. I probably dislike it more than the usual person, simply because I've had so many bad experiences with it. In some sense lying destroyed my family but that's a story for another night. Today at lunch me and some friends talked about the use of lies and when they're okay or not. According to my sister and her friend, Egyptians lie all the time, whether they have to or not. Apparently most of these lies can be regarded as white lies. What even is a white lie? The internet gave me this: "An often trivial, diplomatic and well-intentioned untruth." Surely, with a little effort, that definition can be extended on every lie. You can always argue a lie was well-intentioned, or for everybody's good, just like you can always find something good in a bad thing. A white lie, for me, is therefore some serious BS. And I can prove it...

My ex-boyfriend used to sleep until 3pm. He was also unemployed and broke. I told him to get up early and start handing out some CVs. He was going to call me when he was up. At 3pm he called and said he wasn't able to call me earlier because his flatmate had been very upset and he took him on a little joyride to cheer him up. Unfortunately for my ex-boyfriend his flatmate had been sitting next to me in the library all morning. Busted! Obviously the lie was just intended to protect him from me being annoyed at him being lazy but you could argue it was also better for me not to know. A very trivial, diplomatic and well-intentioned untruth that was protecting us from fighting, me including. So by definition it was a white lie which shouldn't cause a break up like it did (one of four, so I guess it could be worse!). If he lied about when he got up how could I trust him? Coincidentally, this was only the beginning of this guy's lie parade so I suppose I was right in expecting more to come than a lie about his sleeping patterns.

Another good one is also connected to a guy. I'm sure I've had girls lie to me but it doesn't stick as much as when a guy lies to you that you have some kind of romantic connection with because you care less. When I first met him through some friends he had mentioned how popular he is with the chicks therefore making me think that it's not worth pursuing anything serious with him. Quickly he had changed his mind, saying how he had said all that sarcastically. Apparently he did so because he felt I didn't want anything serious so it was a white lie in order for us to have an easier time getting together. Because in reality I was special and he wasn't the lothario he made out to be. So then I had to be careful because a guy like that you don't want to lead on. When that approach didn't work either he changed the deck again. By that time all was lost already, too much lying. He had clearly shown that not lying isn't a value to him. I'm sure he could have been anything I wanted him to be. In a web of lies and deceit we could have had a great time. Even I would have benefited from that. A white lie by definition, a crucial, blown-out-the water untruth in reality.

A white lie should not lead to destruction in any case. It seems too easy to make any kind of lie a white one. "I cheated on you but didn't tell you because you'd leave me!" Classic! The problem is that even a white lie can cause for trust to be broken. Even the most trivial lie shows that the person is willing to lie. And if that person lies about trivial things it's apparent that more drastic lies would not be withheld either. It's true that some things get easier with a little bit of made up help but whatever happened to really being truthful and working with what's actually happening? There is no need for white lies, at least not in my life. Someone who lies to me about what time they got up will lie to me about what they did with my money or where they were last night. And the other way around I don't see why I should lie to someone either. The truth is the truth and whether it's a friend or a partner you're talking to they should be able to handle the it. Otherwise bye-bye! Honesty is very important to me but there's many people who'd prefer to be in the dark. For these people I have no understanding...

Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Egyptian Revolution's 3rd anniversary, a day full of deathly celebration!

On January 25, 2011 Egypt celebrated its revolution. Hosni Mubarak and his government were gone and a new age was about to start. Today, Egypt celebrated the 3rd anniversary of this remarkable day. For some reason, however, between 29 and 54 people died on the big day, depending on which media outlet you want to rely on (CNN alone reported 29 and 49 in the same show this morning) . Why would a celebration cause deaths? Anyone who's had a look at Egypt in the past three years will know the answer...

I am in Cairo right now. January 25, everyone said in advance, was going to be a dangerous day again. It also happened to be my birthday. As we were anticipating Cairo not being the safest place on that weekend we decided to spend the 24th in the Fayyoum desert and the 25th on the beach in El Sochkna instead of being imprisoned in our living rooms. 10am on Friday morning was going to be the meeting point. Even before that news had arrived via Twitter primarily that a suicide bomber had killed three people in a blast at a police station. Two more bombs were reported on before we even hit the road. Throughout the day a bunch of bombs supposedly went off. Arriving in Fayyoum therefore felt like a safe haven.

At some point a video of the alleged suicide bomb reached the internet which we were constantly updating ourselves with via Twitter. State TV could not be trusted for obvious reasons. The most ridiculous piece of news we read was that they supposedly found a piece of beard in the car wreck of the suicide attack, indication that the bomber must have been a Muslim Brother. Incredibly ridiculous. After having seen the footage I found it hard to believe there was a bomber in the first place. In the video you can see buses and gas trucks go past the car that is about to explode but the suicide bomber chose to pull the plug when nobody was around, at 6.30am. I find that very hard to believe. The objective is to kill as many people as possible so clearly, as a suicide bomber, he could have made his way into a building. Why bomb yourself in a car?

Of course the benefits of a supposed terrorist suicide attack come in handy for a government that is anticipating large protests the next couple of days. Scared people stay home. The Egyptians have made two transitions in the past three years and are still nowhere close to the finish line. If anything, the current government puts them back to square one. The opposition, however, has not ceased despite being pretty much illegal now. Every Egyptian I have talked to in the last three days is angry that they lost family and friends only to have achieved nothing but destruction. And January 25, the day they were supposed to celebrate a new Egypt, is a huge lie to them.

The next day we met at 8am which was already subject to large portions of the streets being closed and a general panic among the people that joined us. Especially around the university I witnessed a pretty impressive presence of tanks and road closures which made me very proud to be part of a demographic a government would visibly be scared of. We knew that leaving Cairo would be fine but reentering might become a problem. By the time we were back at 10pm we returned to a ghost city, the highways being almost completely wiped out. Three days prior the same distance we traveled took us two hours in traffic; that night we were through in less than 15 minutes. We saw street celebrations here and there but the majority of people had stayed home on their big celebratory day.

One of my sister's friends had recently lost his brother who had been shot by the police trying to oppose the government. This guy was not even a Muslim Brother. Remembering his brother this friend said goodbye to us on Thursday because he was going to protest on Saturday, the 25th, and he didn't care if he died or not. He did return from Tahrir last night although with a pale face because he had lost yet another friend. Is that what a successful revolution looks like? Nobody would agree with that. It took thousands of deaths to make the French a democratic nation, Americans died numerously to be liberated from the British and people are still dying all over the Middle East and now in Europe, Asia and South America to achieve justice. Unfortunately Egypt is at the least years away from success.

Three years ago they celebrated the end of a regime that is now more or less back in power, according to the Egyptians. They always wanted to celebrate January 25, and now, on its 3rd anniversary, the people celebrating in Tahrir were risking their own lives. Is that what they had in mind? A day of celebration should not produce fear and deaths, tanks in the street and suicide bombs. Until that is achieved this revolution is far from a revolution!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Thoughts on age differences

My dating history is very diverse. Africa, Europe, South and North America are represented numerously. Short and tall guys, ranging from the tall, skinny musician to the buff fitness model. No two guys I dated were the same. I so don't have a type, it seems. The only thing almost all of them had in common is that they were younger than me.

I have come to accept that this is indeed my type. I'm not even ashamed of it but I love younger guys. I explain it with my constant desire to do things out of the ordinary. I don't want to be like everyone else, and everybody else has a boyfriend who's two years older. Having a younger boyfriend is pretty lame and doesn't really make you any cooler so I'm under the impression it's actually the person I'm interested in, not what other people think of us.

However, there's a reason girls stay away from younger guys. The reason is that it sucks to date younger guys. Guys my age and younger are just not men, and in my opinion one or two years won't change it. The youngest guy I ever dated was 39 months younger than me, I counted often! When it was me and him I could never tell he was much younger than me, or at least not younger than a guy my age. If we had lasted a little longer certain problems were inevitable though. And the reasons are obvious...

I'm one day away from being 25 that meaning that I'm past the partying, more into the career progression or chilling on a couch. My priorities have changed from alcohol at the lowest price to excellent wine no matter the cost. And most importantly, I'm not wasting my time (or at least don't really want to) with a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. If, like that guy I saw last year, I was 21 I'd be far away from a chick like me, looking for the potential of finding a forever. At 21 I was certainly not. But a guy dating me will have to know that we're heading somewhere, no fooling around.

The hardest thing to combine is the lifestyle of people of different age. Now two or three years won't matter in a few years but I'm assuming that being a problem with all kinds of age differences. When I was 19 a 31-year-old wanted to go out with me and I was too scared. I wanted to be 19, not a grown up. And unless you're Madonna you don't wanna be with a twenty-something because you're done being twenty-something. I will find it hard now finding someone my age who has the same ideas of lifestyle because, frankly, I should be going crazy now. This is the time to do it, but I'm done.

There are other reasons why I'm particularly interested in younger guys and I genuinely don't see it ending but I probably shouldn't disclose these reasons until a younger guy has married me and can't escape anymore. I think it's insanely fun to date younger guys. And I'm not even that old so I suppose once I am they become even more appealing. Cougar in the making? Oh gosh... Maybe it's just a desperate attempt not to commit. This needs to be continued!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Bachelor Juan Pablo is looking for love... I don't thinks so!

I don't even consider the Bachelor a guilty pleasure. Since I'm the most unromantic person alive I suppose it's normal I try to make up for it watching cheesy TV and stuff. After all I'm just as pathetic as these girls: I want to find love, I want to marry a hot ass soccer player to be the father of my children and those dates don't look half bad either. Juan Pablo, however, is not there for that. I don't buy it for a second. He's no Sean Lowe and he won't be marrying one of these chicks, I can guarantee it! As hot as he is, he's not working for this show. He's not some good-looking dweeb but that's the guys you want to marry... I have a bad feeling about this!!!

So they have the first Latino Bachelor ever and they're celebrating the fact he's muy caliente and so exotic. Then they pick a girl like Cassandra to be on the show. What? When I saw Cassandra moving her butt when she was dancing in JP's living room I was shocked because she is hella boring. She's the kind of person you can rule out to win the show now, at this stage. She keeps stressing how she hasn't felt this way for three years, so since she was eight-freaking-teen. Honey, don't meet a potential future husband on TV when you're 21, especially when his name is Juan Pablo and he is there for the money not your love. Did Cassandra hear about this thing they call "normal dating"? It's not to late...

And here comes the group date! I knew these girls were gonna make a fool out of themselves when I heard that soccer was involved. At this stage of the show I always wonder what guys like about girls getting so ridiculously competitive. That Andi chick is so off-putting on the field and making out with Juan Pablo in the kitchen. Andi, why would you pride yourself at jumping at the chance to have your first kiss with the man of your dreams in an abandoned fast food kitchen? It's not a good idea, darling, think about it. Now Nikki did it right. No kiss, no hassle and no clich├ęs. It wasn't time yet. Keep 'em keen, Nikki, way to go! A calculated game that always works. And besides knowing that Nikki is going to at least make the top 3 the first time I saw her she just knows what she's doing. When's the last time you slept with a guy on the first date and he called you after, Andi? Crucial mistake! And Sharleen's kiss was never gonna get a rose, that was terrifying!

Moving on to Chelsie's date. I love these dates where they act like it's necessary to jump off a bridge together in order to build a relationship. Chelsie apparently realized she could trust Juan Pablo and THAT'S why she jumped. I don't really get it because I love my mom and I trust her with everything but I'd never let her organize my bungee jump. I'd probably die. I think Chelsie owes that one to abc, not Juan Pablo. She was focusing on the jump so much she didn't realize Juan Pablo was trying to kiss her for like the entire hour she was contemplating the jump, turning her head away from him at any given chance. And after she miraculously received a rose after dinner a country band abc could afford starts playing and look at that, Chelsie is in fact not asleep but she is dancing all of a sudden. Why would a country band be a good idea for Juan Pablo? It's so wrong. He says he's a good dancer and producers give him that? No wonder he looked ridiculous. At least Chelsie liked it...

When I saw the pool party I was confirmed in what I've thought since the first time I saw Juan Pablo: JP is suuuch a ladies man and there's no way he's there to get hitched. To be honest, he's way too fine for one woman, he will never be that kinda guy. It's too easy for him to just please all women and getting away with it being the hottest guy on earth. Why else would you have a pool party? You want to see some boobies. But wait, they're all having fun, but we need some drama. Ah, here we go. Lights, Camera, Action, Clair. I can't even start to talk about how ridiculous her behavior is. She dreams at night of how Juan Pablo cancels the show because he already found the love of his life in her. How super annoying! I think she might be at the wrong address if she doesn't want to share her man.

How this show continues to be entertaining is beyond me. It's the complete same every year with the exception of this year's bachelor not being able to speak English as well. I know I watch it because I'm pathetic and want to watch other people make out if I can't do it myself, especially if one of them's called Juan Pablo Galavis. This was the third episode and I think we can all agree on the winner being one of 4 possibilities right now. The only time someone emerged as a favorite past the third episode was Catherine last year and I think they're trying to do the same again right now. Nikki gets no air time but she will go at least to the dream dates because no sane guy would pass up on the chance to see her naked. I'll be watching all of it...

Love for Dick van Dyke... explained!

I find it very necessary to speak about my most random passion: Diagnosis: Murder! That show is perfection to me. Now I'm not entirely sure if it's the fact I've been watching this show for the best part of the last two decades and it received nostalgia status somewhere along the way or if it's just an insanely good show. I'm leaning towards a mixture of both. In any case, it's very easy to express why I love Diagnosis: Murder and if I do anything right at all everybody who reads this will be watching some crime channel tomorrow.

First and foremost, Dick van Dyke is my favorite person. Dick is always happy, he's optimistic, he tries to be a good person and he's a damn good actor. He's everything I want to be. In fact, I believe he just plays himself as Dr Mark Sloan so he doesn't even have to be a good actor. But he is. Did anyone see how he received his lifetime achievement award at the SAG awards last year? The guy's almost 90 years old and he skipped to the stage... absolutely incredible! He's a positive influence on my TV screen and I love his cute little tap dancing or singing demonstrations on the show. What happened to men these days? I'd marry Dick van Dyke in a heartbeat!

Me and the gang!
Dr Mark Sloan is clever, insanely nice, caring and a perfect gentleman. That alone is pretty good. Now he's also a doctor and solves murders like no other. I love how he escapes death. My favorite was when someone tried to kill him with laughing gas and he was dying but couldn't contain himself laughing. What a performance! Or that time when he staged his death and even sacrificed his car to appear dead in order to catch a killer. Genius! And man, it was brilliant how he was wearing those glasses to tell Steve and Jesse where he was when Carter Sweeney made him tape that video after he kidnapped him. And in 2013, believe it or not, Dick van Dyke, the man, the actor, the legend, survived a car crash and emerged from a burning car wreck at 87 years old. You'd think Diagnosis:Murder just has good writers but only life makes these stories, you can't pay for that kinda sh**. Is it possible that Dr Mark Sloan is in fact Dick van Dyke himself?

Diagnosis:Murder ran for 8 seasons in the 90s and hence I struggle to understand why I get abuse once I talk about it being my favorite show. I barely watch TV, none to be exact, but there's few things I enjoy more than watching some Diagnosis:Murder and I've seen all 178 episodes numerous times. After all this time, it's still good and I can rely on it being good for the rest of my life. I'd go as far as saying I'm probably one of the Top 100 biggest fans of this show on the planet. With this being said I will now doze off into an outstanding night's sleep watching the episode Murder x4, one of the best!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Richard Curtis' "About Time" is so not about time...

For the third time in two weeks I watched the movie "About Time" today, Richard Curtis' newest sickeningly adorable rom-com. I chose the word sickening for a reason because I get sick to my stomach being jealous of the characters in it. I only manage to turn it off and return to my own life because I repeat in my head that it's just a movie and stuff like that doesn't happen in real life. And no, unfortunately I don't even mean the bit where the protagonist Tim travels through time.

So Tim learns that he can travel back in time along his own life and change things. His father tells him to use the skill to make himself truly happy. Because Tim is a movie character he decides he's going to use his power for love, and love only. Despite time travel being a myth I find a guy not abusing this power to get laid just as mysterious. Since he's adorable he then starts dating Rachel McAdams aka Mary and they live a life so incredibly out of touch with real life that this feeling inside of me arises that says I will never truly be happy unless my life is the movie "About Time".

Movie Reality #1, let's not forget, is Tim traveling through time. The plot, which could not be any cheesier, is laid out quite cleverly though. It is an entertaining story line although romance, love and happiness are the center of a Richard Curtis movie, not this little twist that makes imdb suggest "Pacific Rim" as a similar movie. I suppose the time traveling is what he threw in there to not make the same movie he's made three or four times before again... however, it's not just the time traveling that makes "About Time" a sci-fi movie (see points 2-4).

Movie Reality #2, is exposed in the first 20 seconds of the movie, showing this incredible mansion in Cornwall, introducing all the members of the family that live in it, living a life away from troubles and worries and naturally it comes to mind that Tim's dad must be a Leeman brother. But no, Tim's dad retired at 50 from being a teacher. I know both what they pay in education and the housing prices in Britain, particularly in Cornwall with access to a private beach. I don't think so! Money, everybody's favorite worry is not a problem for anyone in this movie. As if that wasn't illogical enough my favorite quote by Tim's dad is "I've never bumped into a genuinely happy rich person!" I'm confused! And, just like any other Richard Curtis movie, every character lives in the loveliest flats, by themselves. Mary, for instance, is a reader at a publisher but entertains her own household in a south-western flat in London at approximately 22 years old. It simply cannot be done. It frustrates me because I want all these things but am too poor for either a flat in London or a mansion in Cornwall.

Movie Reality #3,  is how ridiculously easy Tim moves to London, finds a beautiful place because his dad's got connections (duh!), doesn't train to be a lawyer, he miraculously just is one and then conveniently finds love. After only a 10 second moment in which Tim complains about life getting a bit lonely in the city he goes to dinner and meets the love of his life. No unemployment, no friend drama, no money issues but a stunning girlfriend basically right away. And guess what? She loves him back... Why is Tim's life so much better than mine? As if I wasn't jealous of him already he's only 22. Must be a movie because I know 22-year-olds better than myself and they are not looking for love. And they do not earn money. And they do not go to fancy restaurants. Tim is like a Disney prince with a stutter, making every real guy look like an insensitive villain and loser. Life with Tim is equally amazing. In 90 minutes there is not a single fault in the guy and I have to stop dreaming of my life being like Tim and Mary's because it will never happen... to anyone!

Movie Reality #4, is Margot Robbie asking you to come inside and you saying no. I don't think it would happen even if the guy wasn't able to turn back time but then again I'm just a terrible cynic.

About Time is everything you want from a Richard Curtis movie. Grated cheese non-stop, wrapped in a mix of English scenery and everybody's dream of relationships and family. So much happiness, so much pitch-perfect love and so much English charm, although the lead is played by an Irishman that tries to sound like Hugh Grant. It's completely out of touch with reality which of course is alright since we're talking about time travel and love, and we don't watch a Richard Curtis movie to start thinking about life; life's what we want to escape. The attempts to put some drama into the mix in the form of Tim's sister's accident and father's death can't overshadow how perfect their life is. I know, I know, it's a movie, but I want my life to be exactly like theirs. And having Bill Nighy as my father wouldn't suck either...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

An academic claiming benefits!

When I walked into the job center this morning it wasn't my proudest moment, I gotta admit it. I'm one of those people who don't want to be unemployed and do quite a lot of crap not to be. However, I graduated with two Master's degrees that apparently nobody wants to employ at all so the move had to be made. I live with my mother and have nothing to do all day but to browse the internet looking for a job I can even apply to because despite being top of my class I can't even seem to find a job LISTING that applies to me. So on top of the money my beloved state gave me in order to get these qualifications I'm now asking for them to give me just a little bit more until I find a way to put them to action.

My country doesn't have a huge problem with unemployment and you would think it'd be a little easier finding a job if you want one. My conservative friends would now be saying that there surely must be a job I could do, and I've been doing them so far, but there is nothing out there for me right now that would justify me spending my country's money on for the past four years. What did I get those degrees for if literally nobody is willing to employ me, never mind has a need for my expertise? It's a very depressing reality...

And suddenly I understand why I needed to go to Scotland to study Politics and History at a respectable level. Beside Engineering or Medicine Germans make a very one sided decision when it comes to their education. Every other person I know studies economics. It's insane. You'd think Germany's China by now with half of the population having a degree in economics, finance, anything numbers. They make that choice not because an above average number of Germans have a keener interest in the science behind it. Nah, they want the money! And they get the money with it because a job means money, and every job in this country wants an economist.

Numbers were never an option for me although I'm good with them. I always wanted a purpose, a job that would allow me to go to heaven. Looks like Germany has little time for the Social Sciences and me being a Social Scientist I'm screwed from every angle I'm trying to look at this. I never learned to be a shark so why would anyone want my Political Science degree to make a profit? Every job I would want to do is connected to unpaid internships, freelancing and some other sort of "foot in the door" scenario outside of the city I live in which lead me to the inevitable walk to the job center to claim benefits. Because I have nothing!

The horrors I saw this morning were unreal to me. Four out of five people I spoke to this morning looked down to me like I was a scrub. Only when I mentioned my situation (and education!) was I treated with respect which is totally unacceptable. But most fellow scrubs received an even harsher treatment. One elderly foreign guy was made fun of in front of every person in the waiting room by the guy at the reception, it was a disgrace for the profession. There's only so and so many jobs you really have to be friendly and respectful for and I'd say working at the job center is by miles one of them. How does that guy have a job and I don't???

I don't deserve a job more than anyone else. In fact maybe I deserve one less than most people because I didn't start thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life at age 6. Sorry I changed my mind about what I want to do in the last year. Does that mean now that I will be unemployed forever because I prepared for one thing but decided to do something slightly different? It is simply ridiculous to me that I decided that pursuing to be a world-famous Hollywood star was too much to aim for and now wish I'd have gone for it because how hard can it be in comparison to finding a job with a politics degree...??? LORD HELP ME!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Fresh start aka lessons from the past

It is somewhat of a New Years' Resolution to start writing this blog properly. I don't really know why I want to do it because I doubt anyone will ever read it. I've been writing journals for a few years now and nobody's read these either, so why this? I suppose I like the fact I can be held accountable to what I've said unlike my journal in which I change my mind every day and write nonsense that annoys even me. In my effort to become less and less annoying I therefore start off this year by hopefully saying one thing and then sticking to it.

Which leads me to my general attitude in 2014. So the last year was great retrospectively. I graduated again, I had a plan for the future for most of the year, I had a couple of crushes on people which always helps your personal well-being and I had a lot of jobs and consequently a lot of dough. Looking back there's not much anyone would change except the fact that the future plans and crushes perished slowly but surely and the money now feeds my needs in unemployment... bummer, I know! So rubbish! But let's stay on the right page and look at silver linings.

It wasn't always easy to learn lessons from bad things happening but it can easily be practiced. The easiest it is with guys. At least for me which probably derives from me rarely getting into guys. I've never been heartbroken because I've never been in love, easy as that. Let's take one of 2013's guy fails, for example, and illustrate what I mean. It is very easy learning a lesson from having a summer fling with someone a lot younger than you then being separated by like 800 miles: it cannot be done! I want to highlight the word fling because I think if circumstances (like all of them!) had been different it could be done, maybe not with me and that particular boy, but in essence a strong relationship can go the distance. Why I find it easy to see the positive in me and him not working out is because I never thought he'd be "the one" and I strongly recommend doing this long distance thing only if one thinks the partner is. And analyzing this guy's behavior I can guarantee there was no future, even if he lived next door. I was hurt for a couple of days because even though I knew all this losing a friend and lover sucks anyways but reason sets in pretty quickly.This failing rather sooner than later is therefore a pretty good thing, saving me a lot of hassle and potentially heartbreak so I didn't mind it much. I did mind the timing but as a friend told me it was in a much less harsh way than it sounds a "lucky escape". On other occasions my exes developed a drinking problem or treated me like crap so looks like I might not be lucky in love but lucky in escaping and learning from it. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt but at least the silver linings are quite easily spotted.

Concerning my future I'm still waiting at the silver lining but I'm sure it's coming. I narrowly didn't get a particular job lately which I was pretty confident I would have hated. So although having a job is what I want and need I'm sure in more ways than not it was a lucky escape as well. Obviously, deciding to abandon my long-existing PhD plans was anything but easy but I want to believe that the path I will go instead will be the better one, and once I have that job I will get it and say "wow, look at that! So this is why I had to scrap those plans first!" And that will hopefully lead to me having a very satisfied life........

Seeing the silver lining in having a lot of money is very easy. Having a lot of money is never a bad thing, especially when you're looking at unemployment like me. I never had a lot of money and I still have way more debt than money I earned in the last few months so I'm not actually that rich. Also, I can't say that having a bit more cash has changed anything about me at all; not my attitude, or feelings, or personality, not even my spending really. I just genuinely hate money and it's not a driving force in my life at all. However, I should obviously be thankful I was able to make that money so I don't have to suffer now. While I was working I didn't see unemployment coming so I didn't consider the money as much as a blessing as I do now. Positive outcomes throughout. Of course not having a job blows but let's face it, it could be so much worse for me if I hadn't made that money.

So bad things will keep happening but I will try very hard to see the silver lining rather than my emotional distress. I struggle with that massively but that's why it's a resolution right? I still haven't made my peace with any of the guys that did me wrong or my abandoned PhD ambitions or my unemployment. I still think about all of it every day and it still upsets me all the time. However, if I keep repeating that it is all for the best I hope I will buy it one day. And that's really all a positive attitude is I think.