To whom it may concern,
do you know the kind of person that's just really good at everything, learns whatever is necessary and tends to rock whatever is asked of her? Like the complete opposite of a loser? I'd like to believe it's me...!
The truth is that by now I am desperate for any job but 99% of the jobs I apply to I am truly, deeply confident I could do a fantastic job at. I still only apply to jobs I can see myself being happy with, and once I'm devoted to somehing I simply will not stop trying until I am playing with the pros. Now I might have a good history with success but even if I didn't I'd just know: I never wanted anything as bad as this job that once I have it I won't be able to be anything but the freaking bomb!
I can tell you about all my achievements which are plenty but I'm sure you've seen more impressive candidates on paper. One explanation might be that, to my later regret when I failed to find me a job with it, I prioritised personal growth in my study summers. I never interened because for all of my adult years I was hoping and led to believe that I have what it takes to get a PhD. For four years it was nothing but academics. Work experience isn't really an issue in that field. Therefore, I have none. It does not define my potential for the role that I changed my mind not to do a PhD anymore. Am I going to have to get used to being unemployed just because I chased the wrong dream for an unusually long time?
All I'm hoping for is that you invite me to an interview because a CV and cover letter is not the medium I would chose to make an impression with. And I am sure I can make that impression. Because if I applied for this position I am sure I will be one of the best candidates you could have. I don't like doing something I know nothing about. I don't want a role that makes me feel like I can't do anything. My application means I want this job badly and that I'm willing to do anything although nobody would ever let me say this to you although it's true.
Which brings me to the biggest seller I have. Forget about the languages. Other people speak languages. Forget about the experience, others have more. Nobody, and I mean it, will be willing to BECOME the job. I have lost a lot in my life. I have lost parents, friends, places to live, and myself a couple of times. There is nothing left to give other than myself. I am burning to find what I am supposed to be doing, and I just happen to believe it's this job. I just love to work! Like I'm a huge fan of it! I studied hard and I loved every second of it because I love progress. And I simply cannot wait to become good at a job. Do something with this amazing life. Be whatever this job requires me to be because I have all of me to give. Although all this sounds trivial this would even apply to being a janitor because if there's one thing I'm not it's what I am now: unemployed!
Give me a challenge, I will gladly take it. You will not find anyone who's more excited about the opportunity to learn. None of your other candidates are burning as much as I am. I can't be inactive anymore, I need to change myself, this life, everybody's life! You don't know me because if you did you would give me the job. If you knew me you'd know I can be trusted when I say: I'm your gal! I'll rock this job!
If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me. If there was a place for it I'd also like to let you know that besides being a good employee I'm also quite nice. And I bake for colleagues.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
This past weekend I had the fantastic idea to turn on my old computer again for the first time in about five years. Mildly shocked that the old machine was still working I checked out the folder entitled "Pictures". Now I've been somewhat of a papparrazzi all my life and to my great pleasure now I took a ton of pictures back when that computer was stnding in my room. I was exposed to no less than one billion pictures depicting me pretty much everywhere I went between 2006 and 2008. My memory always sucked so I had actually forgotten about most of these places I went. The biggest shock, however, was seeing how incredibly chubby I used to be.
I suppose I always knew I was a little bigger in my teenage years. Even a couple of years ago I think there was more of me than now. However, I have not gained or lost a pound in a decade and I certainly hadn't seen any of these pictures so I had no idea how dorky I used to look. On the old computer I found pictures I remember thinking "Damn Sina, that's a good shot of you!" only to shriek back in apphaul now. I don't mind I looked crap, I was only 19 years old. I'm not even sure anyone's supposed to look good at that age. The truth is that I have actually made quite the transformation, and although I didn't realize it, it's mainly due to weight loss.
So I have not tried to actually lose weight for a second of my life. I've tried to get fit, to improve my condition or speed up my metabolism but I never lost so much as an ounce due to diets or work outs. In the past couple of years I have started to like working out though, and once you like it it's no longer torturous to do. Today, if I haven't worked out in a few days I can feel my mood deterioating and my "depressions" coming back. The doctor that diagnosed me with depressions was what kinda got me started on the whole work out therapy only to find out it was the most ridiculous and wrong diagnosis ever. In the meantime I had already toned my stomach and was lookin good.
Not only does sport make me happy in general, looking good is also pretty fun and if I ever had depressions looking healthy and fit would cheer me up alone. Since I'm one of the least superficial people in the world the statement I'm going to make will hopefully not be misunderstood but I LOVE being skinny. I didn't realize I was acttually skinny but I love wearing shorts and tight shirts. I might have some cellulite getting started in my butt area but gosh, how fun it is to not wear actual pants and feel good about it. As soon as the first sunrays are out I wear nothing but shorts, not regarding if people think I can wear it or not. Some might still think I can't wear it but I think I look cute!
I have also made the experience that I naturally started getting into a better diet once I was active. Not even two years ago I had never eaten a salad. Now I come home from an exhausting day and make one for myself and it's not even a penalty, I genuinely indulge. In the summer I have a hard time eating anything but fruits and veg (and BBQ meat, there's no problem with that ever!). My friend told me the other day once a dietary habit has been fought for five weeks it becomes normal and I suppose that's what happened. Only I never fought. I realize this is harsh to say because many people want to lose weight all their lives. It's not like I never struggled to stay fit and healthy, and God knows I make exceptions all the time but in the end I have realized how worth it is and that made it fairly easy for me to pursue. And now I look and feel great!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
My entire life I only had two reoccurring dreams: when I was seven years old and younger I kept dreaming about a buff man chasing me through a forest and only when I saw my mother I knew I was save. Nowadays I only have one nightmare that keeps coming back, and it’s worse than anything else. In the dream I’m in Disneyland but there’s always a catch. At first I’m super happy to finally be back. Sometimes I know I have all day and my worst decision to make is what to ride first. Then, however, I realize I either lost my group and it will take me the entire day to find them again, or I want to run and can’t, or I only have one hour and 45 minutes left but the queue for Space Mountain will take one hour and 50 minutes. It’s an absolute nightmare! In the last 10 years I’ve been to Disneyland in my dreams about 30 times but my subconscious never grants me a carefree visit. Evidently being denied Disneyland bothers me more than anything else…
I’ve been to Eurodisney three times and to Disneyland twice but it’s been 8 years next month since I visited either one the last time. 8 years is way to freaking long! The first time I went to Paris I had begged my Mom for two years to take me before she gave in when my parents separated. The year after my Dad had to catch up and take me. The last time I went to Eurodisney then was when I was 14 which was more than a decade ago. Jesus! While living in California I went twice, once on Christmas Day which wasn’t even a nice experience because I went with my host family as I was still an exchange student and they tortured me, and once with my graduating class. After eight years my memories of events is usually not the best but I remember almost every little, wonderful moment in Disneyland. Why? Because it’s the happiest place on Earth, and I love it extensively.
As a result to my yearlong absence I have spent the last eight years trying to recruit almost everyone I know to go to Disneyland with me. The only thing you really need is more than one person in case you’re not going with your partner in which case you’ll probably come back a married couple because it’s so enchanting. However, every time I had successfully persuaded one person a follow-up was impossible to come by. Genuinely every guy I was ever romantically involved with also agreed to go to Disneyland with me, however, my romances tend to be too short for substantial planning. It very much feels like the universe is keeping me away from Disneyland. Or may I say happiness? In times where Disneyland could have been my natural opiate I was denied the pleasure, and I have no idea why it’s so difficult to convince people to go to a place commonly known as “the happiest place on earth”. Do people not like happiness?
Now I know Disneyland is not the cheapest and convenient pleasure but as someone who’s been and can assess the performance in relation to its price I’d say it’s worth every penny. It’s not just the rides. Star Tours only takes about 10 minutes but even the queuing is super fun because you feel like you’re on freaking Endor. I’m a Star Wars fan, I love this stuff! I love Aerosmith as well and part of the reason I went on Rock’n Roller Coaster so much was to see Steven Tyler speak to me at the entrance. When I think of Disneyland it’s not the thrill of the rides that make me want to go. I can jump off a cliff if I want a thrill. The magic of Disneyland I can’t recreate though. Few places could make you feel like a child although you’re a grown ass adult. In Disneyland worlds that don’t even exist become real. When I was little I was disappointed they only existed in movies only to be in Disneyland and realize they do exist in a way. So of course I know Mickey Mouse is just a short, underpaid actor but it’s still really exciting to meet him.
Maybe it’s hanging on to childhood to want to go to Disneyland more than anything else. I’m reminded of childhood not just by visiting Sleeping Beauty’s castle or riding a boat through singing puppets but also because I went with my Mom and my Dad when I was still pretty little myself. I was too old to freak out about meeting Cinderella but I had dream about it for all of my childhood. Disneyland is a pretty special status symbol for me and I’m more than willing to pay whatever it takes to go back there. Unfortunately I’m surrounded by people who claim to be grown-up children for all the wrong reasons, not a desire to meet some pirates or see fireworks. Speaking of fireworks, Disneyland has fireworks which are my favorite things besides Disneyland! I need to go back, and I will not rest, or stop dreaming (or should I say have nightmares) before I go!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
|Tarzan would get it!|
A bearded man is just much more attractive. However, I am a scientist and do like to back up statements with fact, and fortunately many, many intelligent people before me have dedicated valuable time to find the scientific explanation why the heck bearded guys are just so much better looking. Just this morning my newspaper of trust headlined that a bearded man among shaved men appears especially attractive to other people as a study conducted at University of New South Was “revealed”. Can I sincerely ask who is surprised? Scientifically I find it very easy to explain why women dig beards. A beard equals masculinity, masculinity equals protection, and protection equals sexappeal. Who would disagree that a masculine man is sexy? Actually, let me take that back because seeing all these “metrosexual” guys running around these days there must be quite the demand for men looking like they could equally perform at the Mickey Mouse Club. Having said that, even some Mickey Mouse Club performers look manlier than Zac Efron.
Not every man is gifted with the ability to grow a beard although close to every man looks better with one. I am personally very impressed when I see a beautiful example and cannot help to consider that person more of a man than a clean-shaven guy. For me it is what makes the difference between boy and man as age certainly does not do that for me, my dating history is living proof. It is less of a social construct than a biological instinct to be attracted to guys that look like men because one would assume they make babies faster or have an animalistic side which cannot be considered a bad thing. The example of Earth’s most beautiful creature, James Franco, shows pretty impressively what a beard can do. James Franco is always a very good-looking individual but before his bearded days he looked like the High School actor he was. Thanks to some decent facial hair he’s become a respected actor… and model! Point made! Jared Leto used to look like a boy group member. Apparently letting the hairs of his body do their thing was all it took for him to become a rock star which is unquestionably the much manlier profession.
But I don’t even need celebrity examples. My life's given me plenty of beard stories worth sharing. My past romantic interests are some serious hotties, and all of them liked me enough to do me the favor of keeping their facial hair around for me. When I broke up with one of my ex-boyfriends I realized he knew it was over when I saw he had shaved. That had not happened while I had a say in this. Immediately after our first date his razor had magically disappeared. The day after I kissed another one for the first time he shaved and I suddenly realized I had kissed a child. Thankfully, by our next encounter the beard was back, therefore mending my pedophile anxiety and his beautiful face. Although said stud was three years my junior that beard made him look old enough, at least for me! I’d love to say I’m exaggerating but it seems that for a guy to be considered a man by me all it really takes is to rock a beard. For the sake of this argument I am going to forget about the other things all guys should pay attention to when trying to be attractive. All that matters right now is that shaving a beard is never a good idea. And finally I want to reach out to every guy out there who has not realized that the trend of the 21st century is leading to a bearded world and say: Toss them razors, boys!
Friday, April 11, 2014
My colleague Jessica is one of the most positive people I know. If there is such a thing as a person’s color hers would be yellow, or maybe just a simple light. Although I know it has happened before it’s hard for me to imagine Jessica not being smiley and optimistic. Naturally, Jessica is the perfect person to get some life advice from or discuss the pursuit of happiness with which I consider my favorite pastime. Jessica believes happiness is an attitude. I always try to think positive but I’m not always happy. Unlike Jessica, I’m a person living in the future, not in the present, and since my future looks uncertain and uncomfortably unpredictable my plan for happiness is hard to make. Yesterday Jessica gave me the standard phrase: “If you can dream it, you can do it!” I know this sentence to be incorrect. My dreams have already not come true and definitely not due to a lack of trying. Life makes its own rules and did not consider my dreams. However, I have come to the conclusion that there are only three things that are essential to be happy for me, and although they’re harder to achieve than people think I’m sure that a person aquiring these three will fail to be unhappy.
I was going to say what you need for happiness is a job but arguably you will also have to believe in that work you do to become a truly fulfilled person. However, a somewhat secure job makes sure you won’t be starving, therefore preserving your basic instinct of survival. If you hate your job it still serves the purpose of paying your bills and usually additional extra pleasures that I have no access to at the moment because I do not have such a secure job. Money is in fact not a cause for happiness whatsoever. Why money is relevant to happiness is the fact that having it will eliminate a source of worry about self-preservation which could lead to unhappiness. Having a job will eliminate that fear. As long as someone has a job one won’t have to starve or sleep in the streets and is in a comfortable position to feel secure. I don’t have that sense of security in my life in the slightest. My future is chronically under threat. I might have a Master’s but no prospect of using it for a secure living situation in the near or distant future. I trust I will be able to but hearing how many people before me were unable to with similar qualifications makes it challenging to be optimistic. I am optimistic that one day I will get to tick the “job” box, and I’m also hoping that it will be a purpose at the same time.#2 Love
Even the most independent person in the world will not be successful in creating a happy life for themselves without the participation of other people. For me it is simply impossible to imagine being happy without certain people, and my entire life has been dedicated to finding the love of my life with whom I can make some babies I can love then. Although I’ve had very happy periods in my life without having love in the form of a partner I know I will definitely not be able to find lifetime happiness without eventually getting married and having a family. If I imagine being 50 without children or a partner I find it hard to believe I will be happy anyways. In my early 20s I definitely didn’t want any of that but needed love from friends and family to be happy. I still remember when the guy I had liked for years told me he’d always liked me, too. The following few days I was no longer walking places, I was flying, I was so happy. Just because of that. To me falling in love and being loved back is something that has always been so hard to achieve that it will completely change my pursuit of happiness. Even if other aspects of happiness cannot be fulfilled a loved person will always have someone to share the misery with which makes any situation a lot better. It might not be enough to just rely on love to save all of your days but it’s a pretty good start. Anyone who disagrees has never felt truly lonely. No man is an island!#3 Health
Many people would argue that this is the most important part of life. For me as a generally healthy person it is easy to say that I disagree. It’s true that all the good things in the world are worth nothing if one isn’t around to enjoy them. I personally would prefer a shorter life filled with purpose and love to a long, healthy life feeling empty and lonely. Of course I consider life a wonderful gift but with the absence of the previous two points I have sometimes struggled to see it as that. At the same time, I believe that it is truly beneficial to one’s health to be happy. A miserable life will result in sickness easier if you ask me. This of course is no medical certainty, I still truly believe it. My father was struggling with all aspects of happiness, whatever his would have been, and when his body reacted I think he had an easier time letting go of life than a genuinely happy person. Working out is also known to prevent depressions and I’m personally a lot happier when I work out and consequently get fit. However, just being fit has never been enough for me to be happy. People rarely draw happiness from being healthy unless they’ve been sick before. For me who’s always been generally healthy the possibility that cancer could be added to my picture isn’t usually on my mind. Therefore, I see health as the necessity to be happy. It’s the end of the mean. You can be the happiest person but without health it all means nothing…
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
It is hard for me to actually believe that the World Cup is only two months away again. The wounds of the last one (or the one before that, or the one before that) barely healed yet, never mind the Euro wounds that ripped my heart out and had an Italian d*** dance on it only two years ago. This time two and four years ago I was betting a lot of money and (when the money ran out) favors that I eventually lost and paid for over months. My faith in my team could not be broken. I was convinced each time that the title was the only possible scenario, and even when it didn’t come about in the end I still can’t believe it didn’t. I will never change my mind that the Euro Cup 2012 is standing in the wrong country. And again, I can’t lie, Germany winning the World Cup is the only thing I can see happening in Brazil. However, I’m going to approach this a little differently this time...
In my very objective eyes Germany is the best team out there right now. Hold on, hold on, Spain is still rocking it but they can’t possibly be that lucky to win a fourth consecutive tournament. The first two wins were deserved, two years ago their times were over and I’m fairly confident if it wasn’t for Mario Ballot…(sorry, I can’t possibly speak his name yet) Germany would have murdered them in the final. Another theory of mine is that both Spanish teams took a beating at the Champions League that year and consequently the Spanish had a lot of face to win back. If all they did for six years was winning how much would they have wanted that title? They wouldn’t have been able not to be super arrogant and fail, I’m sure. But Italy in the final is a dream opponent for anyone but Germany. This year it simply has to come to an end. Even being the best team in the world you get unlucky once, and they haven’t yet. I’m hoping that a Spanish team beats Bayern in the Champions League so they feel confident for that final of the World Cup when they’re playing Germany (if they make it that far) and underestimate our boys only to be surprised by our forza. Because we have plenty of it!
If we make it through the group stage we may as well skip the Group of 16 because you don’t have to be a German enthusiast to know that our boys will probably crush each team of Group H. I know, never say never, in this case I will go ahead and say never though. If Germany goes out in the Group of 16 I will lose faith in life, that’s how incredibly ridiculous that would be. In the quarterfinals we could then be playing Brazil. Oh my, how I don’t want to play them. The reason is easy: I don’t want to be the one sending the hosts packing. I still hate the Italians for stealing my trophy at the World Cup in my own country and I don’t want the Brazilians to hate me because we will have to do the same to them if such a scenario would arise. Either Germany or Brazil going out in quarterfinals is a shame. At the same time I consider Brazil my only threat. Spain, as I said, can’t possibly keep momentum for a decade, it’s time to make some room at the top. Brazil, however, has a whole lot to lose. Winning in their own country would be amazing for them, and if I wasn’t German I’d hope they would. Unfortunately my team deserves this more than them… no mercy!Fact is you have to be the best to win this. This ain’t the Euro where mediocre performances keep you in the game for up to three weeks. If you happen to play in 2004 you may even win the whole competition because you got lucky. At the World Cup there is a lot bigger potential to meet a top team in a game; however, I believe that the Germans are to be feared more than any other team. Maybe I should just support the opposition because I tend to lose everything. Since I support the Germans we haven’t won a single tournament. But maybe Brazil is finally that silver lining. I consider it impossible to want that title any more than me, ehm, Germany. And desire is a big part in the fight. I’m going to refrain from betting this time because it only gives people fuel to wind me up and I’m already very annoyed by how little faith everyone has in our boys. Then again, since when are Germans optimistic? It would genuinely make my life winning this… it would mean everything. Did I mention it would make my life?
Monday, April 7, 2014
Blogging is a lot harder once you started working. I have only been back at my job for a week but already realize that the stories in my head are muted by the job that allows minimal creative expression. Sure, it’s fun and it’s much better than being bored at home all day but what could happen that would be worth blogging about? While my colleague talking about getting new garden gnomes and people refusing to work is pretty funny to me it would admittedly make a terrible read for everyone who’s never met them. As a result the only thing that’s been on my mind is how to stay fit while having a profession that requires minimal physical activity and not falling asleep on my worksite. At the same time I’m busy with something other than boredom so I have less time to think about how screwed I am outside of this office. All that is actually really awesome!
And that’s what this one is going to be about! Many people say keeping busy is a good thing because it doesn’t give you the chance to think about being miserable. And it’s true! I wake up in the morning and think “SHIIIIIT, life still sucks” but then I have to abandon that thought right away and start worrying about possibly missing the bus or being late for work. When I’m at work I still don’t like my current life all that much but I’m around people and can’t frown around either my colleagues or the customers. So even if I wanted to be miserable there is no opportunity to be. Last week I had 24 hours a day to think about the past, the present and the future and how each of them has failed to give me a perspective that would make me like my current life a little bit more. Now the off time I do have is passionately devoted to doing as little as possible, preferably lounge and do nothing!
One of my best friends in Dundee back in the day suffered from severe depression. After uni she got a pretty horrible job that paid badly but she always told me that she is still a hundred times happier than before. This comes as a surprise to most people who think being a student is the ultimate fulfilment because one has more free time than any human being would need but still a purpose (and an overdraft). That might have been exactly my friend’s problem. Why? Because now she is so busy with that horrendous job she has less time to think about how life isn’t at all what she hoped it would be. It’s more about coming home from work, eating whatever’s convenient, having a glass of wine, relaxing and then going to bed to do it all over again the next day. There isn’t a lot of room for feelings of despair, hopelessness and loneliness in a busy schedule, even if the job sucks.
At my job it’s a bit better because I actually enjoy my colleagues and get to speak to a number of people every day unlike last week when the only person I’d occasionally talk to was my mother. However, this job is far from what I hoped I’d be doing now. In September when I left the office and was asked to return this month I said “let’s hope I can’t come back because I found a great job instead.” This job is fine but I don’t want a fine job. As I said in my last blog happiness doesn’t have to derive from a profession, however, I want it to. If I was going to do this job for years I have a hard time believing that my personal life could make up for the fact I am 100%ly unfulfilled in this occupation. For now it makes me happy because it’s better than the unemployed boredom of last week. Happiness to me would be doing something that completes me, and managing a database and different types of forms is not it.
So for now this job is a total blessing. Any other time, however, when months of unemployment wouldn’t precede it I’d be furious. I have to take this job for what it is: a bridge to better things. Then I can enjoy it and swallow the feeling of being underwhelmed. The blessing is that I could equally still be looking for a job, have a lot less money and learn nothing at the same time. At least here I am keeping busy, not thinking about my stressful reality and learning a few things. And, more importantly, I’m too occupied to constantly stress out about how I am a 25-year-old Master alumnus who’s been struggling to get a job and move out of her mother’s house. I keep hoping that by the time this job ends I will have an actual career but who knows. At least I won’t be bored for 2 months…
Saturday, April 5, 2014
|Me and the gang before that bitch Sparkles stole my posse!|
The most dead on episodes for me were the ones centered on Marshall and the loss of his father. I know what that’s like. And I was a bit younger than Marshall, too, when that crap happened to me. But the final episode also had many similarities to my life, although obviously not to that extent. Things not working out between Barney and Robin despite them loving each other is such an example. I’ve had three romances cut short due to geographic boundaries. Love isn’t everything (shut up, Ted!). I don't have kids yet but if I ever do I am pretty certain my reaction to them will be the exact same as Barney's to his daughter. Another similarity is that Marshall worked in a job he hated for years because that’s what’s asked of him. Funnily enough two of my best friends are both in Law as well, hating it big time, but being brave and sticking it out. One has a boyfriend as a positive presence to make up for having an unfulfilling job and the other is now realizing that happiness doesn’t have to be drawn from a profession. And although I’m not doing Law I might have to curb my expectations a bit that I will be doing something I enjoy.
This past week I have been pretty pissed with the notion that if it’s not good yet it’s not the end. The HIMYM finale only gave me the last punch I needed. So Ted had to go through all that crap to end up with the girl he wanted in the first place? That annoys me a lot. I suppose I could also be happy for Ted that in the end it was all worth it but it wasn’t the end, really, was it? He found the love of his life, she dies, and he ends up with Robin who was there from Episode one. His life could have been worse but it could also have been a whole lot easier. If I get married to the love of my life this summer in freaking Germany I’ll see why I never got all these jobs or why a lot of bull had to happen first. That would then be the end they all talk about? I don’t really get it. What end do they mean? If all the saying means is that I’ll be laying on my death bed and say “All right, overall it was all good!” then that blows so much. I don’t want to be lost until the last day when it actually makes sense. I’d like to see some of the failures make sense now, I’m impatient.
I still totally enjoyed that entire show. It had its slight imperfections such as every character miraculously being rich although obviously never working or almost every “joke” from Season 9 which clearly suffered from Jason Segal not signing for another regular season. So the supposed "end" blew all the previous lessons I tried to learn from the show out the water and basically taught us that there's never a happy end but life always goes on. There were many episodes that actually encouraged me though. Me, the girl that’s 25, ambitious, not too easy to date, yet looking to fall in love one day, become a different, easier to date person for the right guy and make some sweet babies. Other than Ted I’m totally fine with being 25 and not married because I was never a person worth marrying before but I’m close now, let me tell ya. Once I find out what the heck I’m gonna do with the next bit of my life I’ll be some chick! And because of HIMYM I just adapted to the thinking that whatever happens then will be so good that everything happening now will be forgotten…
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
As I elaborated widely in my last Zombie blog I am obsessed with zombies. Naturally, I’ve never missed an episode of the Walking Dead. Last week I read blogs speculating on what people think would happen in the series finale. It was widely accepted that Terminus was not going to be a shelter because that would kind of imply the show reached a happy end and is over. After past seasons numerous deaths were expected instead. Many were hoping for Beth to show up somewhere. As this show has recently crossed a bunch of borders the suggestions were ranging from gross to absurd. One of those theories that were dismissed by many as “amc wouldn’t possibly cross THAT line” was the whole cannibalism thing. “That’s way too much”, they said although the graphic novels on which the show is based feature just that. After this horrendously slow season I wasn’t expecting many fireworks. Too many people are dead already so I wasn’t counting on a spectacular killing. But boy, I wasn’t expecting this finale. That we actually meet some freaking cannibals at Terminus blew even my mind…
Despite a blogger I read Monday morning after the finale claiming that cannibalism might be a tad too much to be expected after the Zombie Apocalypse I whole-heartedly disagree. I think it’s rather likely that people would exploit other people’s basic instinct for security and make them come to them instead of chasing them around a world in which they could die anytime themselves. After surviving the Zombie Apocalypse I also think many people would be willing to eat other people in order to survive. I had a hunch they were going through with the cannibalism story when Glenn and his group arrived at Terminus and they just found one single chick barbequing. Of course that’s horribly disgusting but have you seen this show? This is a primetime TV show that centers on decaying predators eating people alive, and we’re shocked when some of the survivors who must be insane at this point if they’re still alive are cannibals? I’m pretty sure in this new world people and zombies would end up having more in common as time goes by.
Of course our friends at Terminus aren’t the only predators. Welcome back, Rick “Badass” Grimes. Rick showed some passion for the zombie ways when he killed that man… with his mouth. Shane’s zombie self couldn’t have done that better. Talk about humans trying to copy the zombies. How do you escape a situation like the one Rick, Michonne, Daryl and Carl found themselves in when they were at gunpoint of that redneck group wanting to kill and rape them? Exactly, you ditch the idea of being a farmer, not carrying a weapon, trying to be civilized, and welcome back the animal that’s inside of you. That animal slayed those boys. That animal is Rick Grimes. Now I knew Rick and them would escape that situation but I was curious to see how. There was no realistic way for any of them to survive but they did because Rick became vicious again. Daryl then reassured Rick that the animal is not him. But no, Daryl, it is Rick, and he’s accepted that you have to be an animal to survive this freak show.
After escaping that situation I’m now excited to see how the animal will get out of the situation he’s in now. There have been too many situations to count in which Rick Grimes crossed the line to certain death and he’s still running around killing people. After this impressive success rate in cheating death and getting away with his life the Terminus scenario wouldn’t scare me anymore either. Rick must know that he’s obviously not supposed to die after surviving all that shit. When he says his group is the wrong one to mess with the man knows what he’s talking about. He just chewed the throat of a guy that pointed his gun in his face directly and doesn’t have a scratch. He survived Shane, Meryl and the Governor. Clearly God wants him alive! What harm can a few cannibals do? And of course Carol aka the Slayer of Georgia is still out there and will no doubt welcome the opportunity to make some more heads roll.
The only thing making me nervous is that almost every annoying person has died already. Of course we also had to say bye to Hershel and Dale but thankfully Shane, Lorie, Andrea and the Governor bit the dust as well. Now I’m terrified for Daryl and Glenn whose death would be particularly hard to accept. I also want to see Carol survive because all that character development would be a waste to just go out like that. For some reason that only leaves Maggie but since she’s a total babe I’d also hate to see her die. The others are somewhat expendable. Someone’s gotta die, and I’d prefer it if it was them. I suppose only time will tell. And until October that is quite a lot of it…