Which leads me to my general attitude in 2014. So the last year was great retrospectively. I graduated again, I had a plan for the future for most of the year, I had a couple of crushes on people which always helps your personal well-being and I had a lot of jobs and consequently a lot of dough. Looking back there's not much anyone would change except the fact that the future plans and crushes perished slowly but surely and the money now feeds my needs in unemployment... bummer, I know! So rubbish! But let's stay on the right page and look at silver linings.
It wasn't always easy to learn lessons from bad things happening but it can easily be practiced. The easiest it is with guys. At least for me which probably derives from me rarely getting into guys. I've never been heartbroken because I've never been in love, easy as that. Let's take one of 2013's guy fails, for example, and illustrate what I mean. It is very easy learning a lesson from having a summer fling with someone a lot younger than you then being separated by like 800 miles: it cannot be done! I want to highlight the word fling because I think if circumstances (like all of them!) had been different it could be done, maybe not with me and that particular boy, but in essence a strong relationship can go the distance. Why I find it easy to see the positive in me and him not working out is because I never thought he'd be "the one" and I strongly recommend doing this long distance thing only if one thinks the partner is. And analyzing this guy's behavior I can guarantee there was no future, even if he lived next door. I was hurt for a couple of days because even though I knew all this losing a friend and lover sucks anyways but reason sets in pretty quickly.This failing rather sooner than later is therefore a pretty good thing, saving me a lot of hassle and potentially heartbreak so I didn't mind it much. I did mind the timing but as a friend told me it was in a much less harsh way than it sounds a "lucky escape". On other occasions my exes developed a drinking problem or treated me like crap so looks like I might not be lucky in love but lucky in escaping and learning from it. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt but at least the silver linings are quite easily spotted.
Concerning my future I'm still waiting at the silver lining but I'm sure it's coming. I narrowly didn't get a particular job lately which I was pretty confident I would have hated. So although having a job is what I want and need I'm sure in more ways than not it was a lucky escape as well. Obviously, deciding to abandon my long-existing PhD plans was anything but easy but I want to believe that the path I will go instead will be the better one, and once I have that job I will get it and say "wow, look at that! So this is why I had to scrap those plans first!" And that will hopefully lead to me having a very satisfied life........
Seeing the silver lining in having a lot of money is very easy. Having a lot of money is never a bad thing, especially when you're looking at unemployment like me. I never had a lot of money and I still have way more debt than money I earned in the last few months so I'm not actually that rich. Also, I can't say that having a bit more cash has changed anything about me at all; not my attitude, or feelings, or personality, not even my spending really. I just genuinely hate money and it's not a driving force in my life at all. However, I should obviously be thankful I was able to make that money so I don't have to suffer now. While I was working I didn't see unemployment coming so I didn't consider the money as much as a blessing as I do now. Positive outcomes throughout. Of course not having a job blows but let's face it, it could be so much worse for me if I hadn't made that money.
So bad things will keep happening but I will try very hard to see the silver lining rather than my emotional distress. I struggle with that massively but that's why it's a resolution right? I still haven't made my peace with any of the guys that did me wrong or my abandoned PhD ambitions or my unemployment. I still think about all of it every day and it still upsets me all the time. However, if I keep repeating that it is all for the best I hope I will buy it one day. And that's really all a positive attitude is I think.