Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Time heals all wounds

"Time heals all wounds!" - One of the most obnoxious sayings ever. I know it to be true. Get ready for some really sad and dramatic writing...

There were a couple of times in my life where I felt pain and couldn't imagine it to ever go away. Death does that! When my dad passed away when I was 17 I couldn't see myself ever returning to a normal life in which I didn't want to cry all day. Although it took a long time that moment came, and instead of crying every day I didn't cry for three years. Now, almost eight years later, I barely ever think back to this undoubtedly worst time of my life. It wasn't a new dad that replaced the old one that made it better. It wasn't a new friend or love that distracted me from my pain. It wasn't a lottery win that sweetened life a little bit. Genuinely nothing had changed, only time passed by. And with every day accepting the words "My dad is dead!" became easier up to the point that I am at now, being able to speak about it soberly. The only thing that healed me was time...

Everyone's been through break ups. If every abandoned lover had a dime for each time "time heals all wounds" was used we'd be in less trouble. It's annoying! Nobody wants to hear it. On the other hand, I cannot see anything else to be said fit better. Now I haven't been through a lot of proper break ups, my heart has never been broken and I've never really been rejected by someone I loved so apparently I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm still fairly confident in saying that time is probably the only thing that can heal that kind of pain. For me the time span to get over boys varies between 20 seconds to two days which obviously stems from the fact I have never been in love. When a relationship or fling didn't work out for me it was usually (every time!) something I had seen coming for a while so I suppose I had time to prepare myself. I always thought it was for the best so I never seemed to need time. 

Of course I'm slightly lying as well because I still think about boyfriends from my past here and there, and it still stings once in a while although I don't regret any of these break ups. However, the more time goes by I'm not even bitter anymore. If I saw my ex-boyfriend- who told all of his friends that he had to break up with me because I was mentally ill - in the streets today I would probably go say hi. Why? Because over time the anger about his numerous lies has faded. I was angry because his lies directly affected me and because, frankly, it was more than rude even if the truth hadn't been just a tiny bit different (a lot!). Nowadays the anger has turned to pity and I'd be able to talk to him again. Time has healed my anger. And time has made me able to go on an ex's facebook page, seeing him with other girls, and feel absolutely nothing. That was obviously not always the case. At first I thought I'd be devastated if I ever had to see that. But that never happened. Time has transformed the feelings into apathy. And time made the love go away that all I see now is "Phew, good thing that's not me!" At least most of the time.

So time also always makes you realize you're better off. The most horrendous of things have lessons, and once you've learned them you will look at things differently. I have had negative experiences with people and I might have been upset at the time but from the future it's easy to laugh about it. Time reveals new things which makes dealing with wounds easier. Finding out your ex-boyfriend is a douche-bag eases the pain. Seeing people do the same to others that they did to you will make you feel less dumb (although maybe not necessarily better). Seeing your classmates who bullied you in school be majorly unsuccessful with their pathetic personalities will add some spice to your life. It's really just a case of sitting, waiting and wishing when it comes to pain because it wasn't designed to stick around.

This time business works so slowly you can't really detect any work taking place at all. You won't wake up and feel better than the day before. The improvements are so marginal I never realized I was getting better. I just remember being happy one day and being surprised about it because I had been so convinced it would never happen again. It's this experience that lets me go through everything I'm facing now. Last year I had a second low, almost as bad but at least not connected to the death of a parent but "only" facing a lifetime of unemployment and loneliness. I had the same feelings: despair, unhappiness, sadness. Only this time I knew it would end, because it always does. I felt that everything I want in life I can't have and that nothing would ever make me happy again. But that will never happen. At no point in life will the possibility for the tide to turn again cease to exist. And I'm ridiculously happy about already having made this experience, although at a very young age, because nothing will ever convince me again to give up. I always know that with a little bit of time things will fix itself, because they have to, and that makes life very easy to live. 

No comments:

Post a Comment