Today I have been in Egypt for two months and more things
happened than in the last two years combined. The original plan was to do a job
that I had no interest in for as long as I could to have something written in
my cv upon my arrival back in Europe. In the first few days I was already
planning when the earliest moment to disappear again would be. The job I came
here to do was an absolute nightmare, impossible to exceed in boredom and
inability to learn anything at all. I was also living in a rather questionable
area of Cairo which saw my departure even faster than the mind-numbing job. As
a result, even my life in Egypt has already taken quite the turn since
September 11. Having moved job and house already I feel like I get to say I
have sufficiently settled into my new life. Most things I struggled with in the
beginning are no longer scary. However, that does not apply to everything. I may
not get scared easily anymore but there are certain things I haven't and will
never get used to. Since I am now officially a writer and make lists like this for a living I'll try to say a thing
or two about them...
#1 Chronic bitch face is a thing
I quite like that I am often called "the nicest person".
All my ex-boyfriends loved how friendly and caring I am or at least pretended
to be. My current lover doesn't share that sentiment. In fact, he hates it. To
my disappointment he uttered the words "I wish you weren't this
nice!" more than once. The reason is obvious: the nicer you are in this
country the more they will take advantage of you and exploit you. My hating
boyfriend therefore really is a caring boyfriend although I just can't help but
to still be pissed about it. I like being nice and I don't want to be rude.
However, I may have to accept that my bitch face needs some practice. Rather
than accepting this culture of never smiling, pushing people in the metro and
yelling at everyone I get a chance to yell at I would prefer for everyone to realize
that my way is better but I guess I'll be waiting for that to happen for a
while.
#2 There is no silence! Anywhere! Don't try!
I found myself in a restaurant the other day that hosted
about 15 other guests but me and my friends. It was a large room with basic
furnishings. Despite less than twenty people and no children being in the room
I was forced to scream in order for my friends to hear me. It doesn't matter
where you are in Cairo there will never be anything that could only remotely be
called silence. The absence of perpetual sound simply does not exist, never
mind the absence of noise. There are no parks, and if there were you would find
fifty to sixty children around you at all times or screaming grandpas that are
pissed about something in Arabic. Every single street, whether it's at Tahrir
Square or in a residential area going one way, will have honking cars because
honking here does not mean "watch out!" but "Hey there, I'm
going, you better jump!". There simply is no silence in a city crowded by
20 million people. Unfortunately, I will never stop missing wide open spaces
and my ears not buzzing...
#3 I am now a celebrity!
So there is not a lot of blonde chicks around here so I get
a lot of attention. My story of attending an economic conference in September
has become legendary when the papparrazzi were oblivious to the fact I did not
even belong there. These things have changed now since I now work for Egypt's
biggest online magazine. In other words, if there is a party, I heard, I'm
invited. On Thursday night I went to a new Pub opening including an open bar.
When asked about being on the guestlist I was just urged to say the name of my
employers and me and my plus one were making our way to the bar. People are
more aware of the fact that working for Cairo Scene comes with a lot of
benefits than me as they are trying to make friends with me immediately after I
tell them what I do for a living. I will not get used to the fact I am getting
my hair done by a French star-hairstylist next week as part of my job. It's
awesome but I don't think I will ever adapt to taking this for granted and
freak out every single time my profession buys me a drink...
#4 To hook up you will need a marriage license... like
actually!
I'm not here to sleep with guys but man, would I be out of
luck if I wanted to. Hooking up with guys is basically impossible. There are no
possibilities to be alone anyways, and most people live in houses protected by
security guys making sure the possibility for sex never arises. Consequently,
private conversations or hugs do not happen either. For guys it must be even
harder because identifying girls that are interested in romance is even more
absurd. One of my friends took a girl to the movies the other day. As he was
putting his arm around here during a showing of "Gone Girl" someone
tapped on his shoulder and uttered "This is not allowed", shaking his
head furiously. To have private time with these girls he meets he has to book
two seperate rooms in a hotel and pray that the chicks don't get caught
sneaking into his room. Hearing these stories I suddenly get why most of my
Egyptian friends here claim how they always hook up with girls in their cars.
At first I thought it was a weird obsession. Now I know, there is virtually no
other option, and this one is far from perfect...
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