Thursday, September 15, 2016

Why I Want Nothing More Than To Go To Disneyland

Last night, it happened again. I was on a plane this time, sitting front row like I was the captain. I was wondering if, like so many times, I would soar over the skylines of some pretty incredible places, where you don't really know where to look first. And then, as we picked up speed and realized that the plane was finally taking off, I saw the plane would be flying right over the best skyline one can dream of: Disneyland. We were going so fast I was struggling not to get sick. Much like the other aspects of my life, I prefer to get somewhere fast, throwing up, than a slow but steadier approach. The shadows of Space Mountain were taking shape. And then I woke up because the mail arrived. Forced to return to reality rather quickly, I had yet again dreamed of approaching Disneyland but not reaching it. Now if you're me, there is no worse nightmare.

I've been to Disneyland five times. At the age of 9, I received a Cinderella VHS that, if watched past the movie, featured a ten minute Disneyland promo. Being 9, I was sold immediately. Three years I campaigned with my parents with all I had, but it took their separation to make me capitalize on the misfortune. My mom felt so bad we weren't able to go on holiday despite all the hassle at home that she decided to finally make my dream come true. The year after that, my dad felt he had missed out on seeing me that happy, so he took me, TOO! Since my dad died not too long after that, Disneyland is one of very few places I have memories associated with my dad. As if I needed any more reason to love it. The worst time I went was in 2005 when the people I was living with at the time chased me through Disney's California Adventure, told me I was too fat for a corndog and then forgot me there. It seems only natural I'd want to reminisce as well as make new memories.

In most of my many Disneyland dreams I am either in Disneyland, trying to navigate through paradise with a pretty masochistic time restraint, never making it to any attractions, or I'm on the way there and there's either a tornado, a traffic jam or my company screws things up for me. Very clearly, actually being in Disneyland is a treat my subconscious wants to save for my conscious. My subconscious is some actual d*** because there's nothing I'd rather dream than hanging out with my dead father or being in Disneyland carefree, and neither dream has ever been realized in my head. To actually be in Disneyland would be a dream come true, and I can't say all my other dreams are that easy to realize (trust me, I've tried every day for 15 years, I'll need another few years).

I dream of Disneyland at least once a month. Reasons, you ask? There's no place I'd rather go. To me going to Disneyland is much more than a fun day out. I would only go to Disneyland with amazing company. The thought of being in Disneyland with someone I like is literally my idea of heaven: walking around singing with Minnie Mouse, eating in scenic restaurants, riding roller coasters and buying the picture after. I'm not sure what that says about me as a person, but apparently I just really wanna be a kid for a few days. I was robbed of a few years of my childhood, and I love being an adult way too much to ever get tempted by real childhood, but having that much of a desire to be happily ever after in Disneyland is nothing short of childish, which is pretty uncharacteristic for me. Yet, that's quite frankly what my brain wants. And I agree with it.

In dreams, we often dream in symbols, and as much as I actually want to go to Disneyland and think there is no interpretation necessary, it does stand for something. The day I actually go to Disneyland will most likely be the happiest day of my life. Right now, without having achieved my professional quarter-life goals, I'd be hesitant to go. Being happy for a few days, then returning to not being what I'm supposed to be professionally, would be a waste. Never mind, that without my professional goals being en par I could never afford to go. So the day I go I will be celebrating being adult enough to justify going back to childhood for a few days.

Age 14 in Disneyland Paris
Most importantly, however, Disneyland is most likely going to be the place I fall in love. I have told every guy I ever dated I wanted to go there, and they each vowed to take me one day. Every. Single. One. Yet, I haven't been in ten years. Last time I was in Disneyland I was there with a guy I (ten years later) had a little romance with. He then had a girlfriend so it just sounds like a frigging waste right now. After receiving the promise to be taken to Disneyland by those numerous men, I actually vow to fall in love with the first guy to ever follow through. It's like I'd owe him that. There's nothing I want more than go to Disneyland, and there's nothing I'm less willing to do than falling in love, so it would only be fair.

Hence, dreaming of Disneyland and constantly being denied access doesn't seem surprising. I'm just not ready! It is, however, a rather easy dream come true, unlike the ones I have of winning various prizes, hosting my own debate TV show and having a library in my house (never mind owning a house). Transparent as I am, the key to my heart will most likely have the shape of a Disneyland entry ticket, and I have now disclosed that for the world to read. It's been over ten years since I last had the pleasure and I hope I don't have to wait another ten years. All I really need is my life to get a few more steps ahead towards my grown up goals, most specifically a career I feel content with and a decent partner, and my ticket is booked. Others save for world trips, all I want is a weekend getaway to Disneyland Paris. Send some positive thoughts my way... 

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