Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Sometimes You Just Gotta Jump

I started this blog to talk about the things that make my world go around. In the four years I've done that, my career, my various failed and successful relationships and politics, but also trash TV and travel experiences, have been the subjects most of the time. In the last few weeks only one thing has made my world go around, and it has now affected pretty much every single aspect of my life. My new job, totally unexpectedly but not entirely undesirably, changed everything: my place of residence, daily life, relationships and bank account. It's drastic, yes, but it's also a source of potential. It's an adventure much less dangerous and intimidating than the last ones. It's a change when I didn't even need one. And now, just a couple of months after I wrote a blog about how much I hated Munich because it reminds me of all the things I hate about Germany, I don't even live there anymore. I don't owe that to Amazon (only haha), I don't owe that to Britain, I owe that to an ability, and willingness, to jump...

Watching people go to swim in the cold ocean has always been frustrating to me. There is almost nothing in the world that feels better than sweating on the beach, jumping into the refreshing sea, and swimming while leaving the shore behind. Part of the reason that experience is so wonderful is because one is filthy and sweaty before touching the water and pure and clean when coming out. It is, therefore, a riddle to me why some people slowly, carefully walk into the cold water instead of just jumping in. The cold hits instantly, and after a short two seconds all that's left is bliss. When taking care, the water isn't getting any warmer. Why wouldn't a swimmer want to get rid of that filth as fast as possible and dive head first into the fresh, cold water?

Life is exactly like swimming to me: why drag something out you can exhilarate. I mean, I haven't always done that. I have dragged things out like no other, especially relationships with people I was scared of losing despite knowing that it wouldn't be a loss at all. I drag things out just to comfort myself a little bit longer. I like to take my sweet ass time with things I can afford to take time with. None of that applies to my career, my personal growth and my pursuit of friendships and relationships I actually feel are worth it. When it comes to that, I have no time to waste. Why would approaching growth, love or the zenith of a profession ever need to happen "slowly but surely" when there's a parallel way that makes everything happen quickly? At the end of both roads we may find disappointment like I have found many times. Thank God I at least didn't waste time on getting to the end of that road.

I only got to where I am today because I jumped a few times. Having the dream of going to the States and become a Hollywood Star was possibly my first attempt, taking less than a few weeks to fade away, well, because I went to Hollywood. The best decision was to not dream this dream for long but having a look and finding out asap I was a fool for ever believing that's what I wanted. I then wanted a degree, and had already lost some time traveling the world, so I jumped again and moved to Scotland where they gave me two Master degrees in the space of four years. Best decision ever. All fun and games so far. The rest wasn't as easy: I wanted a career. I wanted to be on top. I didn't want just a job or something to do during the day. I wanted to do what I always liked doing, namely this, writing! There was no way I would sit around and slowly but surely work my way up the mountain. I needed a faster way to get up there.

Was it Steve Harvey that virally declared that in life you need to take a leap of faith and jump? In fact, you don't even need faith. If it turns out to be a disaster, at least you tried. I wanted to write and nobody in Germany was going to have me. So, as a way of preventing five to ten years of trying to slowly work my way from opportunity to opportunity I went to Egypt for two years. I could have failed after ten just as much as after those two years. Everything that sucks about wanting to become a writer was crammed into that experience. The actual choice was not whether I WOULD suffer, but for how long. Trying to get to the top of a mountain sucks whether you go fast or slow. Jumping into the cold water sucks whether you try to do it fast or slow. I wanted the shit part out of the way. Fast. And there I was, living in Egypt, pursuing a career, goal in mind. I didn't get what I planned for but I'm here now, and I'm happy, so whatever I did, I did it right, even though it sucked to go through.

And right now I'm doing it again. Who knows if Cambridge is the right place for me? Who knows if I will love Amazon for the rest of my life and continue to be in this position? One thing I do know is that I tried. And before I started thinking about whether I'm doing the right thing or not, I already did it. If this turns into a disaster, there's one more door I can close that will no doubt open lots more. If it turns out to be a great success, I just saved myself a couple of years looking for success when it was already on offer. I don't understand why people think so much, need their confirmation and hesitate to just jump when something sounds like it's worth jumping into. I've done it with jobs, friendships, relationships and relocations. I never thought. I just did. And it has genuinely never ever been a mistake. The fact is that there road is the journey, and it's supposed to lead somewhere, right? Why walk when you can run, why wait when you don't have to. I don't know where my road is leading but I know I'll get there faster than those who don't just jump into the ocean...

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