As the year comes to an end, some incredible people who work with words are crowning a "word of the year". Online platforms and dictionaries look at the year and evaluate which word has changed the most, gotten new meanings or just captured the signs of the time the best. As a writer myself, I asked myself the same question: what is my word of the year? I am not choosing for the public but for myself. Funnily enough, I realized, I would have shortlisted the same words. Let's start with the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year: "Toxic". While the crowd of the Oxford Dictionary is probably referring to the bullshit discussed in pubs about "politics", the blatant hatred between groups on- and offline, and pretty much any piece of information pertaining to Britains future after Brexit, I'm referring to my relationship with the man who shat on my year. Moving on to Dictionary.com which chose "misinformation". Oh look, another reference to Mister Toxic. Words are just amazing!
"Toxic" really is the perfect word to choose for this year. It's not a new word at all, only that before 2018 it was mostly used in Elite Daily or Huff Post articles along the line of "10 Reasons You Should Dump Him, Like, Now". This past year has graduated it from the vocabulary of a dramatic people on Facebook talking about people they simply do not get on with to the wider vocabulary of almost everyone. "Toxic" can be said about people, situations and conversations; even the freaking atmosphere of this planet seems to become it. So all that has changed is how people relate to it. "Toxic" is no longer just a hit song but a word everyone can suddenly relate to.
Including myself. I believed this word to be a dramatization of calling a person a negative word for being negative. Until I met that guy. In 2017, I had two very unhealthy liaisons, and their effects were so unhealthy they could be referred to as poison; poison for my self-esteem, poison for my future, poison for my surroundings. You know, just really bad. One of these two went on to become the trainwreck that was 2018. At least in 2017, there was an element of fun and caring involved in that relationship but anything beyond the first week of 2018 was manipulation and mindfucking. You guessed it, the relationship went from bad to worse, from worse to toxic. It culminated in deep unhappiness on both sides as a result of something that was never working and never could. Like poison, I had been drinking, making myself sick. Weirdly enough, poison is addictive; maybe that's why it's so toxic.
And then we have "misinformation" which also resonates with my year. What does it even mean? Is it just another word for lying? No, not quite. It's not the legendary Kellyanne Conway's "alternative facts" either. Now, "misinformation" is not a new term or word, it has always been there. But today, its meaning is harder to understand than ever. Because when you encounter the entity this word describes, you don't even know its misinformation. When I was hit with some serious misinformation this year in May, I did not realize I was being fed completely incorrect facts that had no foundation in the truth. I was receiving "news" from a trusted source at work, unaware it was completely made up to fit a narrative. It wasn't lying (yet), it was just making facts align to work for the narrator. So I experienced this word and the drastic effects it can have on a life. To think the whole world has to battle it online every day is a sad reality of 2018.
It is almost comical that we also find "gaslighting" on the Oxford Dictionary shortlist. So, gaslighting apparently means "the action of manipulating someone by psychological means into accepting a false depiction of reality or doubting their sanity". Oh wow! As for me, both the aforementioned experiences were wonderful examples of gaslighting. It is so closely related to my toxic friend, the difference between the words "toxic" and "gaslighting" for me is only marginal, one obviously being the result of the other. However, "gaslighting" also indicates that the recipient of such toxic or misinformed behavior seeks the fault within themselves which is sadly what I decided to do. Furthermore, we find "orbiting" on the shortlist which means the action of stopping communication with someone while still following them on social media or public platforms. The person making that shortlist must have been with some toxic guy who then gaslighted her. I feel ya sister, call me. Me, too!
Overall, one could say that according to the dictionaries of the world, I had a classic year 2018. I was misinformed, gaslighted, and orbited by some toxic males. These being the editors' choices makes me feel better about the amount of shit I felt due to these words being realities rather than lingo. But neither of these words would be my word of the year. That could only be "awareness". Awareness, as many words of the year, has been in vocabularies for years, only this year I started using it. Through all of these experiences, I became aware, woke, enlightened. I realized I had many bad traits I always condemned, such as a problem with insecurity, being prone to be exploited and a competitive nature that was stopping me to be happy. But awareness is the first step towards change of these characteristics; without seeing a problem, one cannot hope to resolve it. Much meditation helped me see terms like "toxic" and "misinformation" for what they are: a word, nothing more. Not a feeling or permanent stamp. And certainly not the future.
"Toxic" really is the perfect word to choose for this year. It's not a new word at all, only that before 2018 it was mostly used in Elite Daily or Huff Post articles along the line of "10 Reasons You Should Dump Him, Like, Now". This past year has graduated it from the vocabulary of a dramatic people on Facebook talking about people they simply do not get on with to the wider vocabulary of almost everyone. "Toxic" can be said about people, situations and conversations; even the freaking atmosphere of this planet seems to become it. So all that has changed is how people relate to it. "Toxic" is no longer just a hit song but a word everyone can suddenly relate to.
Including myself. I believed this word to be a dramatization of calling a person a negative word for being negative. Until I met that guy. In 2017, I had two very unhealthy liaisons, and their effects were so unhealthy they could be referred to as poison; poison for my self-esteem, poison for my future, poison for my surroundings. You know, just really bad. One of these two went on to become the trainwreck that was 2018. At least in 2017, there was an element of fun and caring involved in that relationship but anything beyond the first week of 2018 was manipulation and mindfucking. You guessed it, the relationship went from bad to worse, from worse to toxic. It culminated in deep unhappiness on both sides as a result of something that was never working and never could. Like poison, I had been drinking, making myself sick. Weirdly enough, poison is addictive; maybe that's why it's so toxic.
And then we have "misinformation" which also resonates with my year. What does it even mean? Is it just another word for lying? No, not quite. It's not the legendary Kellyanne Conway's "alternative facts" either. Now, "misinformation" is not a new term or word, it has always been there. But today, its meaning is harder to understand than ever. Because when you encounter the entity this word describes, you don't even know its misinformation. When I was hit with some serious misinformation this year in May, I did not realize I was being fed completely incorrect facts that had no foundation in the truth. I was receiving "news" from a trusted source at work, unaware it was completely made up to fit a narrative. It wasn't lying (yet), it was just making facts align to work for the narrator. So I experienced this word and the drastic effects it can have on a life. To think the whole world has to battle it online every day is a sad reality of 2018.
It is almost comical that we also find "gaslighting" on the Oxford Dictionary shortlist. So, gaslighting apparently means "the action of manipulating someone by psychological means into accepting a false depiction of reality or doubting their sanity". Oh wow! As for me, both the aforementioned experiences were wonderful examples of gaslighting. It is so closely related to my toxic friend, the difference between the words "toxic" and "gaslighting" for me is only marginal, one obviously being the result of the other. However, "gaslighting" also indicates that the recipient of such toxic or misinformed behavior seeks the fault within themselves which is sadly what I decided to do. Furthermore, we find "orbiting" on the shortlist which means the action of stopping communication with someone while still following them on social media or public platforms. The person making that shortlist must have been with some toxic guy who then gaslighted her. I feel ya sister, call me. Me, too!
Overall, one could say that according to the dictionaries of the world, I had a classic year 2018. I was misinformed, gaslighted, and orbited by some toxic males. These being the editors' choices makes me feel better about the amount of shit I felt due to these words being realities rather than lingo. But neither of these words would be my word of the year. That could only be "awareness". Awareness, as many words of the year, has been in vocabularies for years, only this year I started using it. Through all of these experiences, I became aware, woke, enlightened. I realized I had many bad traits I always condemned, such as a problem with insecurity, being prone to be exploited and a competitive nature that was stopping me to be happy. But awareness is the first step towards change of these characteristics; without seeing a problem, one cannot hope to resolve it. Much meditation helped me see terms like "toxic" and "misinformation" for what they are: a word, nothing more. Not a feeling or permanent stamp. And certainly not the future.
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