Another year, another blog post about the year that has passed. After 2017, the year of endless happiness, this year took a different approach. It all kicked off week one with my two best friends leaving the country. My favorite colleague and the only one I ever spoke to after work (or should I say "spoke at") left to Australia, leaving me with an empty chair to my left. I used to call that a bad start to a year, now I know it was just a taste of what was to come. Just a few months later, I left my chair as well. What followed was antagonizing boredom and the quest to not go crazy. Oh, and a lot of new insights into, like, who I am. Just in time for my big birthday in January, I had to once again ask myself: what do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? What have I learned from the good times and the bad? On the last day of 2018, I can call the year a success, though. Because I know the answers.
When I look back at my year, it's hard to remember most things. Up to May when the end of my Amazon time became apparent, the only feeling I remember was "I think the end of my Amazon time is nigh". There was also the normal mix of being upset about men treating me badly and utter bliss about how much fun I was having with my friends. Yep, that's really it. That's all I remember. As leaving the job was by far the hardest thing to do in 2018, I tried to make a new plan. My friends who had helped me through any bad times in the last two years were planning their departures from Cambridge as well. In fact, even when I was still at Amazon, so was I. So, therefore, as soon as there was time and opportunity to make the first change, I knew what it was.
After another month on our Cambridge patio, my two best friends in the house and I decided to clear our rooms in our loved-up house. Jesus went to Miami, Rocio and I to London. This move was the first big step towards the new direction. I knew it had to be London. The ship has sailed on Germany, and after two glorious years in England I was sure it is now home. Going to London had been teenage Sina's dream so it seemed like a no-brainer. Best. Decision. Ever. I moved in temporarily with my friend Katie in West London. I went running along the river Thames. I meditated every day. I started dating again (oh, how I hate that expression). You could say, I was back. I just needed a job.
What was it gonna be? I took some time to get aquatinted to writing a book, a lifelong dream. After two months, I was way too bored to do it full-time. It seemed more like a hobby if paired with a versatile job. But what should it be? This cluelessness that is quite common in your 20s was back again, only now I was 29 and knew it would fade. But I did become impatient at times; I just wanted to get up with a purpose in the morning. Most available jobs bored me and I had some really crappy moments where I thought it was hopeless. It was probably the meditation that helped me to stay positive but I knew, I just knew, that I was waiting. I wasn't being lazy or defeated, I was waiting for the day that would bring me a job ad that would make me feel the tingles. And I was right, the day did come.
2018 made me an esoteric woman; I went deeper into my own personality and found stuff I didn't want to. I became aware of insecurity and structures of thinking that definitely didn't have to see the light of day. And throughout it all, I managed to stay positive which I am very proud of. A lot of people pitied me this year, I could feel it. It was a horrible feeling. But as of this year, I no longer know if that is because they are only feeling sorry for me now or because I never noticed it before. Awareness really is the key to all change, isn't it? I had to realize I wanted to live in London before I could make that awesome change. And I became aware that me leaving Amazon was not a mistake early on without having a better deal lined up.
Best year, worst year? I don't know. I think we can all agree that it wasn't a good year. In a good year, your friends do not feel like they have to make you a video with all the good things that happened to you in the year you lived with them to cheer you up a week before you're leaving a job you love. But they did that, and along with the week we all stayed in a villa in Spain to watch two of us get married, it is my highlight 2018. I would be nothing, absolutely nothing, without the people I have befriended over the years. That is also awareness at work in 2018. I would literally be homeless right now if I didn't have friends. And so despite some pretty crap events, those who pity me should probably envy me. Dark times bring out what really matters, and I know what it is. And in any case, I start a new job next week, move hopefully the following week, so there is no better moment to say "suck it 2018, bring it on, new year!"
Best year, worst year? I don't know. I think we can all agree that it wasn't a good year. In a good year, your friends do not feel like they have to make you a video with all the good things that happened to you in the year you lived with them to cheer you up a week before you're leaving a job you love. But they did that, and along with the week we all stayed in a villa in Spain to watch two of us get married, it is my highlight 2018. I would be nothing, absolutely nothing, without the people I have befriended over the years. That is also awareness at work in 2018. I would literally be homeless right now if I didn't have friends. And so despite some pretty crap events, those who pity me should probably envy me. Dark times bring out what really matters, and I know what it is. And in any case, I start a new job next week, move hopefully the following week, so there is no better moment to say "suck it 2018, bring it on, new year!"
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