"Sorry" Is Not The Hardest Word, "Goodbye" Is...

In less than a month I am most likely turning my back on my life (again!) and will leave Egypt. Highly anticipated, I knew this day would come, and since I'm a veteran immigrant I have more experience in leaving people and places behind than Paris Hilton has in being pointless. For the seventh time in my life I'm embarking on "the unknown" and will potentially start from scratch, not knowing anything or anyone wherever I go next. On first glance, there really isn't anything wrong with that. But there is! New places? Great! New faces? Even better. But what happens to the old places and faces? Unfortunately, I know that they are to a large extent not going to be part of my life. And while that is part of life and something as inevitable as Ted Cruz winning the nomination, it still blows a lot!

Last night, my friend Ronald finally finished his Egyptian ordeal and returned to Miami. Since pretty much day one, our little group of friends had been together, watching "The Walking Dead" on a Tuesday and embarking on impromptu dance parties whenever the tunes were right. With the addition of two dogs, this group of six to eight people had truly become my family, not just because I would take care of the dogs when Mom and Dad weren't around or escaped to their spare room with my boyfriend who I never saw in private for many months. With Ronald being the first one to pack his bags, the reality that this part of life is now coming to an end hit with force, although it is an end we were all looking forward to for a long time. Now that it was time to say "Goodbye", however, the undeniable truth that those days were good and won't ever return is at the very least tear-jerking.

Having said "Goodbye" to many people in my life, including my father, grandparents, uncles and friends who I will never see again, I'd consider myself used to it by now. In the coming month, however, I will have to do it again. My ex-boyfriend or closest friends here who I of course love very much will potentially never be part of my life again, not even in the form of a catch-up coffee at Starbucks or a random encounter at a party. What my friends in Germany, Scotland or the US are to me now, these guys will become, and that's a negative development I am not looking forward to. Knowing that chances are that the vast majority of the people I see, talk to and love in this country on a daily basis are heading for my personal oblivion makes "Goodbye" the hardest word ever because, if I want it or not, it means I'm banning them from my future...

Today, there's Facebook, Skype and Whatsapp so I always have a medium to connect with my friends no matter where they are. But those days where you could find solace in their presence or have fun with them on a felucca will be over when I board that plane. Taking all this into account, I have no idea why Elton John ever seemed to think that "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". Watch this, Sir Elton: Sorry I hated Egypt and all its ridiculous, life-impeding rules and sorry I wasn't the most positive, trusting or hard-working person I could have been. This confession is hard to make, but not nearly as hard as saying "Goodbye" to a part of your life and a part of your heart. Letting go is hard enough as it is, but to actively stand there and bid farewell to things you don't want to let go of has been the most useless experience of my life, and I can wait to do it again...