Blogging doesn't come as naturally anymore as it used to. First of all, I never had secrets, now I do. Then, I usually found something to complain about because that's what blogging is all about; now I have very few problems. None to be exact. My life hasn't changed much from when I thought negativity was the way forward, only now I changed the approach. So even though I live just as good of a life as then, I just don't find shit worth talking about. Nothing is bad anymore or at least it just doesn't bother me. My deep and emotional insights are happening less frequently because I finally live by what I preach. And writing about how grateful I am about my life and it's lessons just sounds like bragging, so I stop. However, it is precisely this gratitude that got me there. I see what it does in my life. It's more than positivity because positivity isn't 100% effective. But gratitude is. And so, give me a minute to tell you how realizing that I don't deserve a thing I have is why I wake up a happy bunny every day...
We've been through it, I didn't have the easiest ride in life. And we've also been through my attitude that every single failure to launch has just made the wings much stronger. Them wings are now tough as steel and it's just easier flying with a good set of wings. It makes perfect sense. Additionally, I no longer just fly from A to B but potentially to C or D if I can. Those great wings can take me anywhere, and I know that. But anywhere doesn't have to be a place. So once you forget the destination, and just soar a bit because it was hard to get up to the sky, life is sweet. It's fucking sweet. And here's the thing: those that can't look back at the great things that unfold at our sights while soaring without a rush to get anywhere are lost, literally lost. That's why the bird is the ultimate bird expressing freedom. Not having a destination and pressure to get there is freedom; realizing that one is lucky to be flying at all is gratitude; and gratitude and freedom can only lead to one thing: happiness!
I know I'm lucky and it's easy for me to say I'm lucky and happy because despite the challenges some God was very generous to me. I can now do one of two things: want more or accepting that I already hit the jackpot. Do I live a perfect life? No! I'm not even close to as lucky as some people around me, all my friends are abroad or are leaving me, I don't swim in money and I am obsessed with heartbreak. But it's not about what I have or had, I'm most thankful for being chill about it because Lord knows I wasn't always. Wanting more will stress me out and I frankly have no energy. I'm tired alright! But I can thank God or whoever is to blame for this and hope that it lasts. And curiously enough, since I started to feel grateful nothing bad has happened. And now that I have said that I need to elaborate because that isn't even true. Bad, bad things happened this year. Truly bad things! But, for some reason I just wasn't falling apart. Hey, I'll take it. I have no explanation but there's a chance that maybe I just knew it's all part of the journey and there's nothing I can do. So I got through it and now I just soar a bit longer.
Two weeks ago, I was falling apart. I was busy at work, an emotional mess after an incredible trip to Iceland and trying to process the last three months that didn't go as well as planned. I wrote my best friend from uni to check on him that day for some reason. I told him I was good, just a few things on my mind. And sure, I could indulge, but this time I decided to refrain. He replied to me with some words only a friend could whip up, and throughout the emotional reality of this week, that guy once more reminded me that true friendship is a pretty fucking great thing to have. A message, that's all it took. The same day, I had a talk with someone about the last three months and got a reaction I didn't expect. Old Sina would have bathed in the misery, hated the fact that both of these guys are either living in Scotland or moving to Australia next month or that all this shit happened altogether. Gratitude calls for another approach: accept and say thank you. It's not a given to have such friends, understanding and comfort in your life, so if it takes bullshit for you to see that, be grateful for the bullshit.
A friend of mine died this year. His parents changed my views about everything. He was born too early, almost didn't survive his first few days. But he did, and for 30 years his parents had a wonderful child. Now they have no child. It must hurt so much. And his mother found the strength to thank God she allowed her to have him for 30 years. He didn't die 30 years ago, he died now. His life was the gift. That's gratitude to the max. Not asking why, what could have been or how happy we would be if something had or hadn't happened. Just acceptance and gratitude. With this, fulfillment is guaranteed and it turns out that's all I need for happiness. I have everything I need: relative health, a paycheck, a purpose. And I have many, many more things I don't need but want: friends, love, an exciting life and a booze cabinet. The law of attraction brings us more of what we love. That's why Thanksgiving is important. Screw the food or the offensive history behind it. If you feel grateful today, you'll feel happy tomorrow...
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