|Me, "dressed up" as Angela Merkel. But it was really me.|
A year always seems to be a short period of time. But then, at the end of the year, I usually realize that it was filled with one hell of a lot of things. The last few years I got to look back on graduations and many more successes. Not so much this time. The vast majority of my year was an existing stage, not life. Other than winning the World Cup, which is pretty much my favorite thing to happen ever, there was little to celebrate. My memories include the hospital, unemployment, living in the most boring and the most stressful country and doing a whole lot of things I never wanted to do. Undoubtedly being the worst year of my life, it was needed to teach me valuable lessons and change my entire life, attitude and personality.
The quarter-life crisis hit me hard this year. One bad decision in the end of 2013 set me up for a year of misery which eventually forced me to go to a country that couldn't be worse for me. My entire life I had made heart decisions and this year I was forced to change that. Opportunities don't come along very often so I had to go to Egypt despite me hating Cairo. The decision to go was an easy one as I hated life and it could only get better. And of course it did. I could not have been luckier. My initial job which was impossible to exceed in boredom and stupidity was the only bad thing I quickly exchanged for an amazing job. Three weeks in I met a boy. I was also living rent free for three months. I was still in Cairo but it couldn't have been made easier for me.
The groundbreaking realization I made this year is best explained in the words of Paolo Coelo. In Brida he speaks about two kinds of people: builders and planters. Builders work towards a pre-existing goal but what after? Planters take the seeds they were given and create something from that. I changed from being a builder to a planter this year, simply because being a builder didn't work. I worked hard and still didn't get any closer to my goals this year. Instead, I was given a seed that can only flourish in Egypt so that's what I'm doing, letting it blossom to bring me whatever I can have.
I have no plan whatsoever for the new year and I'm prepared to just let it happen. If I don't feel like it was a waste of time, like 2014 was, then I'm happy. I take all my happiness from 2014 from the fact that Miroslav Klose will go to bed as a World Champion for the rest of his life and it works. Genuinely being the happiest moment of my life so far July 13 makes everything worth it. Whenever I think back to it my heart is filled with joy. I am, however, not the same person anymore. This year truly left scars and I don't just mean the huge one on my shin. The all-smiles, nice and loving company person has been absent for a few months. There are fewer people I actually enjoy spending time with as opposed to the "OMG I love all people!" kind of girl I used to be. But that's just the way it is. I've had a bit of a reality check. But I'm glad I had it.