Sunday, June 8, 2014

I feel your pain... literally!

My empathy has reached new levels and I am starting to begin hating being compassionate towards people. Yes, I guess it is a really good trait to have but it really doesn't make living any easier. If there is a God then I hope feeling for other people will be a characteristic he values in me but if not my life was unnecessarily made a lot harder. If I hear of something terrible happening to people I automatically consider what that would mean to me and immediately I'm devastated. If someone gets cheated on I can't contain myself because it would kill me. If children are involved it's even worse! How do people go through stuff when it already destroys me just thinking about bad things?

I was close to tears when I heard that Marco Reus wasn't coming to the World Cup because he got injured 24 hours before his plane left to Brazil and, hand on my heart, it wasn't because I was fearing for my title. That poor, poor boy thought he was going to be a hero this summer and instead he's out for the only five weeks he couldn't afford to be out in the past four years. That's such bad luck, I can't even take it. I feel so bad for him, how he has to watch his friends become champions while he was supposed to be one of them if it wasn't for a split second in a freaking friendly against Armenia. Marco Reus is going to hate life in the coming weeks and this injury will most likely have changed his entire life for the worse. Imagining to be Marco Reus right now is sickening to me; I get the boke thinking about him because I feel that bad for him.

Career stuff is obviously easier to take than personal stuff and I know that for a fact. There are so many things happening every day that make me sick hearing about and I start being scared of life because I'm not sure I could take them if they happened to me. Therefore, whenever I hear of someone being affected by tragedy I usually can't hold myself back as I can't believe anyone has to go through that. The other day I saw a guy on TV who didn't have any family and was super lonely. He met a woman, married her, and then she died. I was balling. Then, after a long and painful heartache, he met another woman, fell in love, and she freaking died as well. I don't even know the man but my heart was in physical pain because I couldn't believe how awful this life had been to him. If there was anything I could have done for the guy it would have been done by now!

The absolute low point of my emotions I can remember though must have been Sandy Hook. I can still barely think about it without crying because it's the most awful thing I have heard of to date. How do you ever make sense of a madman shooting your innocent, tiny child? A happy life would certainly end on a day you lose your kid like that. Nobody hearing of Sandy Hook was left untouched I'm sure but I was in tears for days, I couldn't believe it had even happened. And to think that was only a millionth of the pain that was felt by the affected makes me want to question what life is really about. A tiny second has ruined people's lives and I can't imagine how they get over it...ever.

I am happy I have empathy for people because it has helped me many times understanding people and I believe it's something I'm valued for. However, feeling people's pain also means feeling more pain. As if I didn't have to experience enough pain in my own life... Hopefully that compassion makes me a better person in some way. At the same time I'm lacking sympathy for people who had to endure the crap things that happened in my life because I already overcame them. Although really bad things happened in my life other people's misery always sounds worse to me. It might not be an easy life but it's a good life. This can always be said although it's just not always true. Maybe I have failed my calling in not employing empathy in my professional life but then again maybe I'm just not strong enough...

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