It's been a tough week in my circle's relationships. I first-handedly watched the end of a relationship this week and it wasn't pleasant. Of course I am not the right person to be speaking about successful relationships because I used to know only one thing about them: how not to get into one and stay out of it for as long as possible. I have, however, been looking for a very different kind of relationship than most people around me anyways. To have a boyfriend is not a priority for me, I've done very well without one for the vast majority of my life. After I broke up with my last boyfriend I realized dating would no longer be about occupying my time or avoiding loneliness. It's not even about feelings. For me it's about finding someone you want and, more importantly, can have by your side potentially forever. Right after that I realized that dating would be the wrong strategy to find it.
I watched the new show "Bachelor in Paradise" yesterday in which Bachelor rejects get a "second shot at love". I usually watched the Bachelor series because I find it entertaining to watch people date and how they act in order to find a husband or wife rather than a hook up. I've done no such dating. I have never dated anyone in order to assess whether I saw potential for marriage. When I've dated so far it was for fun. Are they seriously talking about weddings on their first date? Let's face it: all my dates end up being about football because that's the biggest thing I have in common with most men. I have no desire to speak about relationships on a first date, nevermind marriage. Hence, when I am in dating mode I'm not looking for a soulmate. Having dinner, making out or going hinking together are not activities that will lead to the altar. I will not find out if I'm looking at a potential life partner while watching the new Nicolas Sparks movie or canoeing. Come on, Bachelors!
On "The Bachelor" they love the term "connection". I suppose we all want the spark but I also see why I'm different in that respect. To me the spark comes second to the potential. Of course I always wanted someone who I immediately find attractive, who looks me in the eye and makes my heart beat but unfortunately for the process of that ridiculous show that has nothing to do with partnership. You can love someone all you want; if they suck as a partner you will not be happy. My own experience has proven that love is by no means enough. A spouse is a companion not just the person that makes your heart beat fastest. If that was the case me and Joaquin Phoenix would have been happily married for years now. Those people on the show didn't get that. Hearing them say "Me and [insert name] have a physical connection" makes me laugh. It suddenly makes a lot of sense to me why dating won't get you hitched.
Evidently, the only way to go right is if the person you end up marrying is your best friend who you also like to sleep with. That being said, the statement maybe needs amendments because I love my best friend and I think he's cute enough too but we could never be together. We have come to the realization that super awesome friendship is all we can get out of our relationship because he would drive me insane and would probably kill me if we were more than friends. This is a mutual agreement! At the same time, every guy I ever liked was my friend first. For me it very much looks like dating experience isn't relevant in finding The One at all. You don't need to practice relationships with the wrong person. To know if someone in front of you is your soulmate will only be revealed if the person reveals all to you. I doubt they'll do that at the movies...