Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Hooray, Juan Pablo finally found "love" and nobody is happy for him!

I know initially this blog was supposed to make me a more interesting person. Instead, I am once again blogging about the most boring show known to men: The Bachelor. I can't lie, I love this show although I never really watch it anymore. It's the same every season which is probably why I like it; it takes me back (to times Jason Mesnick was the Bachelor, for example). This season I probably wouldn't have finished without the existence of Candy Crush Saga which is what kept me entertained while Juan Pablo was saying "I'm just being honest" and "like I said before" way too much. I can't say I properly watched a single episode and when recalling why I don't even know where to start. I'll try anyways:

#1 Juan Pablo's accent is not exotic but annoying
I have always had a problem with people having a German accent. Why? Of course because I'm German. To me it's obviously the most overused and predictable accent in the world. I therefore hate it. But why in heaven's name did they pay a guy to be the Bachelor whose command of the English language is lacking the basic necessities to be on a show where you are verbally getting to know 25 women. I'm not surprised Juan Pablo tried to constantly make out with the women only because the poor guy probably had no idea what they were saying. Much like the constant exposure to the German accent I got tired of Juan Pablo saying "it's ok" at the end of every other sentence. In the end the poor guy didn't even say "I love you" to the "winner" Nikki to the outrage of everyone watching. I think odds are that he simply doesn't know what "Te quiero" is in English.

#2 "Clare, this is a reality TV show, you are not auditioning to be in a Disney movie!"
Clare has got to be the most annoying contestant on the show ever. To me she was the epitomy of desperate, and her last minute rant after she was left at the altar did not spark respect in me but embarrassment. How is she suddenly the hero after she told the guy off after getting dumped? That's internationally known for being ridiculous. She went in thinking the guy is the shit and after she hears "I can't give you this rose!" she suddenly realizes he's not the man she thought he was? Yeah, I can see that. Obviously, since week one Clare thought Juan Pablo is the guy that is already in love with her. It must have come as a huge shock to her that he is in fact not in love with her despite her endless attempts to throw herself at him. Her passion to speak as if she is reciting a romance novel was the worst though. The only thing missing was a wind machine that made her hair blow while she longingly looks into the distance. Geez...

#3 Congratulations Nikki for landing America's most hated bachelor
This has got to be the only show where every loser was the winner. In fact, the only one who relly won was #3, Andi, who eliminated herself just in time to become the new Bachelorette. Apparently he was very disrespectful to women. I can't see him not having said the things he said to Andi and Clare that were regarded disrespectful to Nikki but apparently she is into it. Maybe Nikki enjoys hearing that Juan Pablo "loves to f*** her". So he loves screwing Clare but he doesn't love Clare... ouch! Nikki who just won a reality TV show gets a great price: a man nobody in America would still date. The girl has told Juan Pablo she loves him 4 months ago and she got a "I like you... a lot!" from him.  And that guy is now her boyfriend, woohoo! So let me get this straight: she now "won" a hated man who refuses to tell her he loves her. I also read he lives with his ex-wife so sounds like Nikki has all the reason to celebrate!

#4 Juan Pablo forgot he's on reality TV
I do agree that some people are different and want to take their time but should they be on the show? Clearly not. Just because 4 or 5 weeks would be enough for me (or Nikki, or Clare, or any other person on the show) to know if I could spend the rest of my life with someone doesn't mean Juan Pablo can. I actually think that's alright but just can't help but to still slag him off for his choice to be on the cheesiest show in television history then. He was clearly pissed how he had been portrayed but he handled it in the worst way possible, leaving him to be widely being granted the honor of "Worst Bachelor Ever". Now Juan Pablo decided he wants some privacy which is the main reason people sign up for the show... not! Since when did looking for a spouse on national TV become a private matter, Juan Pablo? Mate, don't say you hate gays, or don't care about the format of the show, or anybody watching it while pursuing a very public profile. He could have at least thrown in one or two remarks about the girls that were not limiting their appeal to how hot they were. Why didn't he study his manual before?

So in conclusion I agree widely with the internet's impression that this was the worst season ever. It is hard to say because every season is the exact same with the exception of the male lead. However, they must have realized that casting a guy with looks only is not what the desperate for love demographic wants to see. They want a cheeseball who does weights in order to be able to lift puppies or a baby, or learns an instrument so he can perform at his wedding. I'm truly happy for everyone except Juan Pablo and Nikki at this point. Happy for the girls that didn't get chosen because they can still be seen in public without being shamed, happy for the producers for fearing their pick will ruin the format and happy for the public because it's finally over!

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