Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Thoughts on age... continued!

Realizing you're getting old is a very slow-moving process, and obviously being 25 doesn't really allow me to write this at all, but for many reasons I have come to realize that celebrating youth is coming to an end, even for me. "Forever young" was always my all-time favorite song and I only decided last week it will be demoted to second place because I am no longer getting the same feeling when listening to it, that feeling being fear of growing older! When discussing any age starting with a 2, usually even a 3, you get the "come on, you're YOUNG!"- look but the truth is that not being old doesn't necessarily make you young. Sure, I'm not 80 in which case nobody would be saying that (they ARE old!) but if we take away the numbers from the equation and base age on what's been happening, what is expected and, mostly, what won't be happening anymore I know I'm not that young anymore.

(Un-) fortunately for me I never realized I was getting older because, let's face it, I almost exclusively dated younger boys, the majority of my friends in Scotland are younger than me because I took a couple of gap years and I missed out on my teenage years which I postponed to my uni years. Then suddenly, I graduated, and everyone around me put a ring on the finger, including some people I thought I was gonna marry myself. The biggest drinkers from SKINT tuesdays in Dundee are now running around in suits! Pictures of babies are crowding my social media profiles and made a not so smooth transition from seeing pictures of drunk-out-of-their-mind friends one day to baby's first steps the next one. A baby is something I thought my generation was not really thinking of yet. We were just in our early 20s last week. Suddenly everybody has one, and I'm not surrounded by people who go wild anymore but with those I can babysit for.

The truth is that 25 is a very legitimate numeral age for this to happen. I have no children and way too much on my agenda to achieve before it's time but if I was pregnant now nobody would be upset. Procreation at 25 is anatomically and socially a fantastic idea, everyone around me would be delighted. If I was in fact young, or too young, a pregnancy wouldn't be that great of a thing. What's funny to me is that I see why 100%, suggesting that I am indeed not the same person I was five or six year ago when I was actually young. Others are different. My friend Marcus stopped being young when we graduated high school as he got married right away and had a baby a couple of years after. It worked out so so well for him, it would make anyone jealous. By the time he became a daddy for the second time I had only just figured out what being young means. Marcus is a few months older than me but I'm way younger than him. Numbers can't determine age!

So it took me a little bit longer to realize that I am suddenly not part of the generation "party" anymore and entering the generation "poopy diapers". The explanation might be that I was part of the generation "you have to grow up faster" when everyone else my age partied. Then again, they all still party, and have partied for the past 10 years so I'm certainly not behind. If anything I have realized myself I have abandoned the generation I have actively taken part in over the past five years on my own accord. I still have the opportunity to be part of generation "party" but I don't want to anymore. No young person would say that. Like, an actually young person. They would never voluntarily join the generation "career and personality growth". And many don't choose to do so but I did.

So my efforts dating younger guys make total sense. In the last year I saw a total of two guys that were older than me, one being a week older and barely qualifying for the honor. I did the whole age progression thing wrong. I was aging gradually by numbers but my actual age was all over the place. I'd say at 17, due to everything that was happening back then, I was not your average 17-year-old. Now I'm 25, ready for the necessary next steps but stuck because I participated in the "wrong" generation for slightly too long. The world is less of an oyster now. I cannot randomly move to Hong Kong anymore, not just because I'm too poor. Also, I'm tired of it. I saw the world, trust me, I'm good! I don't date a cute freshman anymore for the sake of it. I am too old for that sh**! Of course, if I say goodbye to the dream of having a family one day my youth can be extended for another decade and I can go live in Hong Kong and date Justin Bieber. However, I want some babies too and only have about 15 years on the clock left but a career plan that will take about 10. Things gotta start happening!

So NO, I am not young! I might not be saying my goodbyes yet but part of being young is having countless opportunities, and these are slowly running out for me. Of course I still have plenty left but I can't make decisions anymore without fear of consequences because consequences can be fatal now (at least for your dreams). Speaking of dreams, not all of them will come true, and that is a fact now, not an uncertainty. If I was younger now I'd probably be sipping Pina Coladas in Ipanema right now because my actual dream could still come true despite me doing that. If I did it now my actual dream suffers though. Differentiating between old and young is doomed to fail because age can't be measured by a number. I'd say in the last year I have aged about 5. Nothing I wanted 365 days ago I still want. Although I only turned from 23 to 24, then 24 to 25 I am basically just becoming less and less young. Fortunately I lived well so I'm ready to be less young!

Finally, as "Forever Young" was demoted to second place I'll share my new #1 here!

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